My Little Girl
by laurah2215
Summary: Pairing: CJ/Danny; Series: The Concannon's:Present, Past and Future; Story #3 CJ and Danny receive tragic news about their daughter.
1. Chapter 1

Title: My Little Girl

Title: My Little Girl  
Author: Laura H  
Rating-PG/Teen-for difficult subject matter  
Disclaimer: Insert random "I do not own"….  
Category: Post-Admin, somewhat AU  
Synopsis: CJ and Danny receive devastating news about their daughter. Songs in the story: "Skin" (Rascal Flatts- my personal favourite) and "My Little Girl" (Tim McGraw)- the song I sing to my eight month-old niece.  
Series: The Concannons: Present, Past and Future  
This series will encompass a couple stories already posted and ones I will write in the future. I'll post the timeline before each story, so as to avoid confusion.  
Story 1- Future- I Loved Her First  
Story2-Present-Just Another Day in Paradise

Timeline-what do you need to know for now:  
Nov 2006- CJ and Danny finally see what they've been missing for eight years.  
Jan 2007- CJ and Danny move to California together. CJ becomes President of the Hollis Foundation. Danny begins writing Josiah Bartlet's biography.  
July 2007-CJ and Danny get married at the Bartlet farm and conceive Abigail during their honeymoon in Ireland.  
Sept 2007- Danny starts school to finish his doctorate  
Feb 2008- Abigail is born  
March 2009-Patrick is born.  
Sept 2013- Story 2-"Just Another Day in Paradise"  
Nov 2013- Story 3- "Princess"  
June 2033- Story 1-Abigail's wedding- "I Loved Her First"

Part 1

It's rare for Abigail Cregg- Concannon to ask to sleep in her parent's bed. It's even rarer for her to complain of any health problems. But Abbey had started Kindergarten in September and everyone knows that kids are more prone to viruses when they first start school. So, when Abbey got a cold in September, CJ and Danny didn't think anything of it. When she developed the flue in October, they hadn't panicked because all kids get the flue and it was gone in a week. It's November now, and Abbey quietly climbs onto her parent's bed and snuggles close to her father's side.

"Patty?"Danny asks groggily, assuming that their four year-old Autistic son would be the one crawling into bed.

"I don't feel good, Daddy," Abbey pouts, curling her head into the crook between Danny's neck and shoulder.

"What's the matter, sweetheart?" CJ inquires, turning in bed to face the little girl.

"My head and belly hurt," Abbey complains, turning into an uncharacteristically sensitive child.

"I'll go get the thermometer,"CJ announces, throwing back the blankets and heading to the bathroom where they always keep the thermometer for random bouts of illness.  
Danny holds his daughter close and brushes light kisses to her temple until CJ returns with the thermometer. Abbey opens her mouth compliantly and CJ obtains the reading. Her eyes immediately bulge.

"She's got another fever," CJ relays cautiously, handing the instrument to Danny's for his inspection.

Danny licks his lips introspectively. "When did she run out of antibiotics last time?"

"Only a week ago," CJ whispers, holding Danny's eyes with her concerned gaze."

"I'll take her to Sherri tomorrow after class," Danny offers, referring to the kid's pediatrician that CJ and Danny know so well they're on a first name basis.

CJ takes the thermometer back to the bathroom and grabs the Children's Tylenol. Abbey puts up a bit of a fight with the medicine, but soon she is dozing in Danny's arms, clutching her favourite stuffed monkey to her chest.

"So, she had a virus in September and the flue last month?" The pediatrician fills in her medical chart as Danny relays information about Abigail's status to her.

"That's right," Danny nods, standing next to the examination table where Abbey is occupying herself by kicking her legs back and forth. Patty sits quietly on the floor playing with his trucks, mostly comfortable now being in doctors' offices. Danny had picked up the kids from school after his classes ended for the day and headed straight for the doctor.

"And she just finished the amoxicillin last week?: Dr. Walker inquires. " Okay, Abbey, can you open your mouth really big so I can take a look inside?" Abbey complies and the doctor examines her throat.

"Okay, Miss Abigail, can you take off your shirt and show me your big muscles?' Sherri Walker, the kid's pediatrician smiles warmly at the little girl who still refuses to let go of her father's hand.

Abbey glances at Danny for approval, and he nods encouragingly.

Sherri grimaces at the bruise that still looks fresh on Abbey's shoulder. "Okay, sweetie. I need to give you a tiny needle so I can test a little bit of your blood. You think you can be a really brave girl?" Sherri has a natural way of calming down nervous patients, and CJ and Danny have always loved that about her.

"I don't wanna needle." Abbey pouts with a scared look in Danny's direction.

"We gotta do what Dr. Walker says, kay Princess?" Danny grimaces in sympathy. " Take my hand and squeeze as hard as you can, okay?"

The whole ordeal is over and done with in under a minute and in the end only a small tear escapes Abbey's eyes. She always tries to put on a brave face for her dad.

"That's fantastic, Abbey. After I check your heart, why don't you go ask Mrs. Frederick for a lollipop? Of course, that's if it's all right with your dad?" Sherri grins at Danny who nods his approval. Sherri goes through the final procedures and dismisses Abbey and Patty after a minute so she can talk privately with Danny.

"So, is it just the flue again?" Danny asks hopefully.

"Take a seat, Danny." Sherri points to the visitor chairs across from her desk. "There's a pattern here. That bruise on her shoulder? When you brought her in two weeks ago she had that." Sherri jots down notes in Abbey's chart.

"Oh, that's from learning to ride her bike. She's so cocky she demanded that I remove the training wheels, even though CJ and I both didn't think she was ready. She hasn't been riding in weeks, though, 'cause of the flue." Danny shrugs, knowing that every problem has an explanation and simple solution.

Sherri swallows hard and looks seriously into Danny's eyes. "Danny, it's not healing. It looks almost the same as it did two weeks ago."

Danny shrugs. " So?"

"So, that means there's an infection," Sherri begins. "She just got off antibiotics for the flue and ear infection. There's no reason for her to have an infection. In addition, her glands are swollen and she looks very pale."

"Yes, that's 'cause she's sick. So, can you please write us a prescription so I can get home and get supper on the go?" Danny usually isn't curt with the pediatrician, but he's had a long day and he knows Patty's good temperment won't last much longer if he doesn't get him home and fed.

Sherri purses her lips. "Danny, I can't just write a prescription. I took a blood sample. In a few days I'll be able to give you more information."

"Well, what could it be?" Danny asks, gathering the kids backpacks and preparing to go retrieve them from the reception office.

"I don't know right now and I don't want to be presumptuous. But all indications point to an internal infection."

"An internal infection? What does that mean, anyway?" CJ purses her lips in confusion as she scoops fries from the oven onto plastic dishes for the kids. Tonight is one of the occasional nights when they let the kids sit in front of the T.V in the den and eat chicken fingers. Neither of them could be bothered to prepare a proper meal.

Danny hastily throws together wraps for himself and CJ from the chicken fingers and some raw veggies they had cut up for the kids. "I dunno. She was very vague. She said she'd call when she got the blood results in."

They take their meal on two plastic trays into the den and set the kids' plates on the coffee table for them so they don't spill. CJ and Danny sit on the couch and talk quietly amongst themselves as the kids stayed focused on "The Backyardigans" video.

"I just don't like the way this sounds." CJ whispers between bites.

"I know what you mean, but I don't think we should get worked up until Sherri gives us more details. So, tell me about your day…"

CJ and Danny places the dishes back onto the trays to carry into the kitchen. CJ notices Abbey's plate is practically still full. She shares a nervous glance with Danny and decides to confront her about it. It's completely out of character for Abbey not to devour her chicken fingers and fries.

"Abbey, honey, you didn't finish your dinner," CJ points out to the little girl.

Abbey gives CJ a guilty look. " I'm sorry, Mommy. I know we're supposed to eat all our food because lots of kids in the world don't ever have enough to eat. But I'm not hungry."

Danny licks his lips nervously when CJ gives him a concerned look "Sweetheart, why don't I make you some soup? That will be easy on your tummy." Danny offers, pulling his daughter into a hug.

Abbey shakes her head into Danny's shoulder. " No, thank you. Maybe later." She squeezes Danny's torso, then takes off out of the den.

"I'm starting to worry, Danny," CJ admits with a pained, serious expression.

Danny's gaze is locked on the doorframe where Abbey's disappearing frame had been last seen. "Me too. Me too."

With one last kiss to his feathery red curls, CJ tucks Patty between his elephant-printed green sheets and hand-made quilt." Love you, Peanut."

"Night my little man. I love you," Danny calls softly, taking CJ's hand and leading her out into the hallway. "I'll go start Abbey's story. Why don't you wash your face and join us when you're done?"

"Kay." CJ quickly pecks Danny's lips before they go in opposite directions.

Danny enters Abbey's dimly lit Precious Moments-themed room. But instead of seeing her drawing in her colouring books or arranging her dolls in elaborate scenes, Danny finds Abbey curled up on top of her quilt, already fast asleep. "Abbey. Abbey?" Danny lays his hand on her shoulder as he perches on the side of the bed. He's torn between waking her and letting her sleep. He decides to consult CJ for her advice.

"Babe?" Danny pokes his head into their en-suite bathroom.

"What's up?" CJ wipes her face with a warm cloth and puts it on the sink when she's done.

"Abbey's sleeping already. I went in there and she was out like a light." His voice hovers between shocked and scared.

CJ's brows rise in stunned surprise. "Oh my God. Danny, she never falls asleep without her bedtime story." CJ brings a hand to her quivering lips.

"You think we should just leave her?" Danny asks as CJ slips on her glasses and follows him to Abbey's room.

CJ kneels beside the bed and takes Abbey's temperature with her lips in the same way she had for both the children hundreds of times." She didn't eat dinner. When did she drink last?"

"She had some milk at dinner," Danny replies softly, sitting on the floor next to the bed.

With a sigh, CJ stands up. "Let's get her into p.js. We'll check on her throughout the night." They change her into a nightgown and pull the covers up to her chin. Both kiss her forehead, and she merely moans and curls back into her pillow.

CJ and Danny go through the routine of preparing for bed. They crawl in between the sheets of their four-poster bed and turn on the T.V. But both have their minds on their daughter and find it hard to unwind after the day and relax.

"You're not sleeping," CJ points out, turning onto her side to face Danny.

Danny tilts his head toward her and shakes his head. " I think something's wrong. This isn't our baby. This isn't like her."

Taking Danny's hand in hers and placing her free hand against his cheek, CJ nods mutely. "I know."

"Daddy," Abbey reaches out blindly to touch Danny's face.

He scoops her into his arms and sits on the small bed. He holds the little girl to his bare-chest as he gazes around the pink room lit only by a night-light in the corner. He dispenses the cherry flavoured medicine, to which Abbey gives him a disgusted look. "It's okay, baby. Daddy's here. You wanna come sleep with Mommy and me?"

Abbey nods and feels across the bed for her stuffed monkey and favourite teddy bear. Danny wraps the girl in the quilt CJ and Abbey Bartlet had assembled (Abbey learned to knit when Ellie's daughter was born) during CJ's pregnancy and carries her and her toys into the master bedroom.

He sets her in the middle of the bed and immediately CJ turns over to feel Abbey's forehead. "She's warm."

"I took her temperature. 101.7," Danny informs, sliding into bed and wrapping the comforter around the three of them. "So, I gave her some Tylenol."

"Danny, I have a Board of Directors meeting tomorrow. I can't stay home. I mean, I can be home by four, maybe, but I need to be there." CJ has a guilty, almost pained, expression at the thought of not being able to nurse her sick child.

"It's okay," Danny's warm eyes soothe. "I can have Phil cover my classes and I'll cancel my office hours. The only thing is that I've missed so much work to take care of Abbey these last three months."

CJ sighs in melancholic sadness. " I know, I know. I'll stay home Thursday and Friday if you can just get us through tomorrow."

"No.No school today! Abbey don't go to school, Patty don't go to school." Patty shakes his head defiantly, refusing to let CJ put his school uniform on after he learned that Abbey was staying home from school. Usually Patty is quite passive and obedient, but school still makes him incredibly uncomfortable (despite having a personal teaching assistant at his side all the time) and so he always looks for a way out.

CJ throws her hands in the air. A part of her feels guilty for letting her son control the situation. She wants the kids to have a good respect for the education she and Danny work so hard to provide them with. But, she knows how hard it is for her son to cope in the social situation, and she doesn't have the energy this morning to fight with him. " Fine, you can stay here with Daddy today but you have to practice your alphabet. And next time when I tell you to go to school, you aren't going to be upset and complain. Kay, Peanut?"

Patty nods with a contagious grin. She takes him by the hand into the master bedroom, where Danny and Abbey are curled up in bed watching cartoons and drinking apple juice.

"Okay, I'm off. Patty had his breakfast. They'll both need a bath later. Try to get Abbey to eat. Make sure she has plenty of fluids." CJ throws on her suit jacket and walks over to the bed to give both the kids a kiss on the cheek.

"I know, darling. I can take care of my own children." Danny rolls his eyes and pulls his wife in for a quick peck on the lips. "We'll be fine."

With a stifled sigh and pout, CJ nods, collects herself and heads to work.

Danny has to balance entertaining Patty and taking care of Abbey throughout the morning. The little girl still isn't really eating (she had picked at some toast for breakfast), but she had a glass of juice so Danny isn't concerned about dehydration. He spends the time the kids are napping on grading papers. The other professor, Phil Kyler, that helps Danny with two of his classes, is filling in for him today, but Danny feels guilty for having to put that responsibility on him and having to miss so much work. Around one o'clock, the phone rings and Danny lifts the receiver off his desk in the office that he and CJ share.

"Hey, babe," Danny greets, recognizing the number calling as CJ's office.

"Hey, how's everything at the homestead?" CJ inquires from the other line.

"Both the munchkins are sleeping," Danny relays proudly. "We just read some books, worked on some puzzles and watched a movie this morning. We had some mac'n' cheese for lunch because it's good comfort food. "

"Good. Abbey still fevered?"

"Yeah, but she had some juice and she doesn't look dehydrated. When will you be home?" Danny can hear Patty's soft footfalls padding down the hall.

"I'm hoping we'll be finished by 3:30. We're just finishing lunch now and then we've got a couple more budget items to deal with before we adjourn."

"Call me when you're in the car. Have a good afternoon. Love ya," Danny whispers, waving at Patty who is resting in the doorjamb.

"Love you, too. Give the kids a kiss for me. Talk to you later." CJ disconnects the call and Danny hangs up.

"Hey, pal. Good sleep?" Danny motions for Patty to enter the room. The children have learned that when entering the study or their parent's bedroom, they are supposed to knock and announce their presence. CJ and Danny didn't want the kids to barge in when they were making business calls or hosting a meeting in the study, and they didn't want them barging into the bedroom on those increasingly rare occasions when they have sex.

"Can we play softball, Daddy?" Patty gives Danny his best puppy-dog pout, the one that CJ has trouble resisting.

Danny has to consider the request. Abbey is still napping, and he doesn't really want to go out in the yard where she can't easily call for him should she need something. He decides to compromise with the boy, as he knows that the children have been antsy ever since Little League ended for the season. Abbey is enrolled in gymnastics, but Patty didn't want to try anything new because he has difficulty adjusting to new social activities. "I got an idea, pal. Why don't you go get the Nerf ball and gloves and we'll play catch in the den?"

The boy's shiny face brightens. "Okay. I be downstairs." Patty darts down the hallway, eager to beat his father to the den.

For the next half-hour, Danny and Patty play catch with the foamy, plushy ball. Even though the den is the children's play area, Danny's careful not to knock over any lamps or stereo equipment. He had just recently convinced CJ that it would be good(especially during the rainy periods) for the kids' health to let them play sports with soft equipment in the den, and he certainly doesn't want her to regret allowing them to play inside. Danny teaches his son how to curve the ball. Patty has quite a throwing arm, but his catching skills are severely lacking. Danny tosses a more challenging throw and Patty stumbles into the couch to catch it. Danny immediately bursts our laughing before he rushes to help the boy.

"You okay, PJ?" Danny chuckles, ruffling Patty's loose red curls.

Patty purses his lips and crosses his arms in a huff. " I no good, Daddy."

Danny grimaces and pulls his little boy into his arms as he sits on the couch. "You're doing fine, kiddo. Just give it some more time. We'll keep practicing. Why don't you go wash your hands? I'm gonna check on your sister then I'll make us a snack, okay?"

But just as Danny is standing up, he can hear his daughter's voice calling his name in distress. Danny runs the stairs two at a time (the kids certainly keep him in shape) and doesn't slow down until he reaches Abbey's doorjamb. " You okay, Princess?"

"I'm achy, Daddy," Abbey tosses aside her blankets and crawls into Danny's lap.

Danny kisses her temple and discovers that her fever isn't subsisting. He reaches for the thermometer on the nightstand and takes a reading in Abbey's mouth. "102.2," Danny breathes out loud, careful not to panic and frighten Abbey. "Okay, munchkin. Stay here. I've just gotta make a phone call and grab the Tylenol for you. " He gives his daughter a gentle squeeze and heads for the study.

Just as Danny is about to pick up the phone and dial Sherri's office, the phone starts ringing. Danny lifts the receiver to his ear. "Hello?"

"Hello. Mr. Concannon?" The breezy feminine voice on the other line greets.

"Yeah, that's me."

"This is Nicole from Dr. Walker's office. She was hoping you could drop by this afternoon to discuss Abigail's blood tests," the receptionist explains.

"Oh, um, yeah. Actually I was gonna see if I could bring Abbey in this afternoon because she's getting worse."

"Okay, she can fit you in at 4:30 after her regular appointments. She also requested that Mrs. Concannon be present."

Suddenly the alarm bells in Danny's head go off. Sherri wouldn't have asked CJ to be present unless something was wrong. " Is everything okay? What's wrong?" Danny asks demandingly.

"I don't have access to that information, Mr. Concannon. You'll have to ask Dr. Walker at 4:30." Nicole says quietly.

"Okay, I'll see you then." Danny disconnects and lets his head fall into his hands. He tugs at the loose curls at the nape of his neck before collecting himself and sitting up straight again. He dials CJ's office number.

"CJ Cregg's office," Isabella's airy voice comes across the other line.

"Hey, Isabella. Can you give CJ a message as soon as her meeting ends?"

"Sure, Danny. What is it?"

"She needs to meet me at Sherri Walker's office at 4:30. She wants to discuss Abbey's blood test results."

"Okay, I'll let her know. Is everything okay, Danny?"

Danny sighs before replying, "I dunno, Isabella. I really don't know. Ask her to call me when she gets in the car."

"Sure thing, Danny."

Danny spends the rest of the afternoon watching PBS with the kids curled up across his chest as he lies on the couch in the den. At four, Danny goes upstairs to grab a track suit to slip Abbey into. Patty had already dressed this morning after his bath and just has to put on his runners. With the kids buckled into their car seats in the back, Danny has nothing to think about as he drives but the impending bad news he knows he's going to receive.

Danny parks in the lot and holds both children's hands as they climb the elevator to Dr. Walker's office. Nicole pleasantly takes Abbey's insurance card and tells them to take a seat in the waiting room because Dr. Walker will only be a few moments longer.

"Danny!" CJ's weary and haggard form comes rushing into the area. CJ kneels next to the chairs in the waiting room and pulls both kids in for a hug.

"Mommy," Patty giggles as he digs his head into CJ's shoulder.

CJ kisses her son's cheek, then turns to Abbey. " How you feelin', honey?"

Abbey pouts and clutches her stuffed monkey and teddy bear to her chest. CJ responds by giving Abbey a sloppy wet kiss to illicit a smile. CJ stands up and shares a knowing look with Danny. He recognizes it as her worried look. Danny rubs her shoulders over her suit jacket and offers his most comforting smile under the circumstances.

"Abigail?" a friendly-looking nurse emerges from the examining rooms. "Dr. Walker will see you now."

Sarah Beth is scared to death  
To hear what the doctor will say  
She hasn't been well  
Since the day that she fell  
And the bruises just won't go away  
So she sits and see waits with her mother and dad  
Flips through an old magazine  
Till a the nurse with a smile  
Stands at the door  
And says will you please come with me

CJ leads her daughter by the shoulders across the room, while Danny helps Patty put his toys back into his backpack.

"Hello, there. My name is Jamie. You're Abigail?" The young brunette nurse smiles at Abbey as she helps her onto the examining table and begins to go through the routine of checking temperature and vitals.

Abbey nods in return and reaches for Danny. Danny seats Patty in one of the visitor chairs across from the doctor's desk and joins CJ at the side of the examining table.

"That's a very pretty name. I see you still have a fever. Do you have some pain?" the nurse asks as he checks Abbey's heart.

Abbey nods mutely and clutches Danny's hand in one hand and her stuffed animals in the other. CJ rubs her shoulders, partly to calm the girl and partly to occupy her own fidgeting hands.

"Okay. Dr. Walker will be in a minute." Jamie finishes filling in Abbey's chart and exits the room quietly.

CJ and Danny don't talk. Every couple seconds they share a glance, but they both get a sense that there aren't any words appropriate for the moment.

"Sorry to keep you. I'm glad you could both make it." Sherri walks into the room and extends her hands to Danny, then CJ.

"Of course. We're both very concerned about…well…"CJ looks down at her pale-looking daughter, not wanting to say anything to frighten her.

"Right. And it looks like you've still got a fever. Is that right, Abbey?" Sherri feels the girl's glands and examines her carefully. "Is she drinking?"

"She had a glass of juice this morning and half a glass of water about 3 hours ago," Danny relays.

"Okay. You can come down, Abbey. Why don't you and Patrick go play in the playroom? Nicole can watch you from her desk. "

Danny lifts Abbey to the ground and the kids cautiously exit the room. Once the door is shut, Sherri turns back to the nervous parents.

"Please, sit down," Sherri encourages, tucking herself behind her desk.

"The tests?" CJ probes, reaching for Danny's hand but keeping her eyes focused on Sherri.

It takes Sherri a moment to begin. This is always the worst part about being a doctor. She licks her lips and folds her hands on top of the desk. "It's, it's not good. She's producing abnormal levels of white blood cells. This means there's an infection. Based on the initial blood tests, I'm going to order a bone marrow biopsy and aspiration, as well as a lymph node biopsy and lumbar puncture."

"Sherri, what's wrong?" CJ's eyes widen and it's difficult for her to control her voice.

"I think she may have acute lymphocytic leukemia." Sherri says steadily.

--  
Laura  
"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever." Gandhi


	2. Chapter 2

Part 2

Part 2

"Leukemia? No, no you have to be mistaken." CJ shakes her head in disbelief.

Sherri nods her head. "I'm sorry. I can't imagine what must be going through your heads right now. All I can say is that I'm going to refer you to the best pediatric oncologist on the west coast. His name is Theodore Erkir and he'll be able to give you the best treatment options available. I'm sure you're scared right now, but we can fight this."

CJ immediately spits out questions. "What kind of treatment? Will she need chemo? Is surgery involved? How long until it goes away? It…it will go away, right?"

Sherri smiles softly. "CJ, I can't answer all that. First thing tomorrow I'll call Dr. Erkir and have him book an appointment with you. The good news is that childhood leukemia has a very good remission rate. We can treat the disease, send it into remission and even cure it. The important thing for you now is to be strong and positive for your daughter. We obviously have to discuss this with her, but you shouldn't be sad or discouraged when you talk about it with her. I always recommend that you explain to her that she's sick, but if she listens to the doctors and does what they say, she can get better soon."

"I know. We'll, we'll be strong for her. " CJ squeezes Danny's hand and meets his eyes.

But Danny's eyes are vacant and unreadable.

Sarah Beth is scared to death  
Cause the doctor just told her the news  
Between the red cells and white  
Something's not right  
But we're gonna take care of you

Six chances in ten it won't come back again  
With the therapy were gonna try  
It's just been approved  
It's the strongest there is  
I think we caught it in time

The ride home is eerily quiet in both cars. Sherri, CJ and Danny had sat down and explained to Abbey that she was going to need to see a lot more doctors in her future because she's sick. They made it clear that they were going to get her the best "medicine" in the whole world to make her feel better. Abbey, who usually models her mother's quick temper and passionate conviction, had remained quiet and calm throughout the entire ordeal. In the fashion of her mother, Abbey had simply accepted the situation and resolved to fix the problem.

Now CJ and Danny release the kids from their booster seats and everyone pads slowly across the driveway and into the house.

"Why don't you guys go put 'Dora the Explorer' on in the den?" CJ suggests, bending to help Patty untie his shoes.

"Okay!" Abbey exclaims happily, tugging her little brother behind her.

"I think there's some spaghetti sauce in the freezer. I'll defrost that and make some pasta." CJ drops her briefcase in the foyer and proceeds into the kitchen.

Danny simply follows her, still not having uttered five words since Sherri had relayed the news

CJ pauses and leans her back against the kitchen counter, reaching out for Danny's hands. He takes a couple tiny steps forward, his expression still blank as he accepts CJs' hands.

"Can you believe this?" CJ whispers, shaking her head in slow motion.

Danny bows his head and moves it from side to side.

"Danny?" CJ smiles and looks at her husband expectantly. "Can we talk about this, please?"

"What can I say?" Danny's lips quirk in a self-deprecating expression.

"Anything! Let's talk about how we're going to deal with this." CJ moves her hands up to Danny's shoulders, leaning in closer.

"You know what?" Danny slips out of CJ's hold and backs away. " I think I'm gonna go to the store and pick up a salad to have with dinner."

"Danny?" CJ's eyes widen in confusion and fear.

"I just need some air." Danny practically begs with his voice and eyes.

CJ throws her hands up in the air. "Okay, fine. Go. We'll talk later."

" I'll be back in a bit," Danny calls, already half-way out the door.

As CJ turns to fixing dinner for her family, she can't help but feel lonelier than she has in years. Danny is a very open, honest man who doesn't have a problem opening up to his wife. But Danny is closing himself off to CJ, effectively distancing himself for reasons CJ can't understand. After all, they made it through training her to be an equal partner in a relationship during the early months, and them both starting brand new careers in a new state, as well as the births of both their children and Patty's constant health problems and mental condition. Why, after all they've been through, does Danny not believe they can work this out together?

" Daddy, can I ask you a question?" Abbey sits back up in CJ and Danny's bed after Danny finishes her bed-time story. Both kids are curled up beneath the covers because CJ, needing the reassurance that he family is close, had told them they could sleep in the middle tonight. CJ and Danny sit facing them on the bed.

"Sure, princess. What is it?" Danny's voice is strained and tired. It had taken everything for him to get through dinner without drawing suspicious glances from the kids and CJ. After cleaning the kitchen with CJ (in almost unbearable silence) Danny had taken the garbage and recycling out to the curb. When he returned, CJ was dressing the kids for bed and reminding them to brush their teeth. So far, he had managed to dodge CJ's request to talk about how they were going to handle the new health crisis.

"Remember how you said that my other grandma, Mommy's mommy, died because she got very sick?"

"Yes, honey. She did. Why do you ask?" CJ sets the book on the nightstand and places a kiss to Patty's sleeping face.

Abbey's lips tremble as she meets Danny's eyes. "Do I have the same sickness that she did?"

Danny feels his heart constrict and hot tears burn the back of his eyes lids. He is effectively paralyzed speechless.

CJ bites her lips, holding back unshed tears. She squeezes Abbey's hand reassuringly and musters a smile. " You don't have the same kind of sickness, sweetie. The doctors know how to treat your disease a lot better than they knew how to treat my mother's disease." CJ neglects to mention that while Abbey has leukemia and her mother had had colon cancer, they are both still forms of cancer. Sherri's advise to remain positive echoes through her head.

"Okay," Abbey breathes out, a pained expression still plaguing her features.

"Get some rest, sweetheart." CJ kisses the girl, who immediately settles into the pillow and closes her eyes. "I love you."

"I'm… I'm, I'm gonna turn out the lights downstairs and make sure the doors are locked," Danny announces, rushing out of the room.

With a sigh, CJ reaches over to turn off the bedside lamp. She pads across the room to the en-suit bathroom and commences scrubbing her face and brushing her teeth. When she is finished her routine, CJ throws on a robe and heads downstairs. Danny can't be found anywhere, but then CJ gets a glimpse of movement off the back patio. She slips out the glass sliding door and looks out over the expansive yard. In the moonlight CJ can see Danny sitting on the bench next to the pool, the only light surrounding him being the red glow off the cigarette between his fingers.

"So, here you are." CJ lays her hand on Danny's shoulder, to which he only drops his head lower, not facing her.

Shivering beneath her thin robe, CJ moves around the opposite side of the bench and takes a seat beside Danny. She tilts Danny's chin so he is forced to look at her. Shimmering in the light of the moon, tiny teardrops descend slowly down Danny's cheeks. " Danny, talk to me," CJ implores softly.

"She has cancer and there's no one in the world that can guarantee us that she'll survive." Desperately trying to maintaining his composure, Danny's lips quiver.

CJ wraps her long arms around Danny's neck, pulling him close and taking his cigarette to throw on the ground. "There's a very high remission rate. We can fight it."

Danny scoffs and pulls back, his eyes boring into CJ's. " But she could die, CJ. She could die. I'm her father and I can't look her in the eyes and tell her I can protect her from this atrocious, unforgiving disease. I can't protect her. I'm her father. I, I should be able to…to protect her." Fresh tears stream down Danny's eyes as he buries his head in his hands.

"Oh, baby," CJ cries, rubbing comforting circles across Danny's back as her own tears finally seek an escape. " You're gonna help her fight this. That's how you'll protect her."

"Fathers should be able to protect their little girls," Danny sniffles against CJ's shoulder.

"I know, darling, I know. But at some point, every father has to relinquish that desire to keep his daughter close so she'll never get hurt."

"I know. I guess I just thought I'd have another fifteen years or so left." Danny cracks his first smile since 4:30 that afternoon. "I feel so out of control, ya know? We can't control this."

CJ laughs lightly." You know how much I hate to relinquish control. This is killing me inside, too. But you can't just come out here and light up a cigarette-which we're gonna discuss later- and internalize this. Maybe we have to watch what we say in front of the kids, but there's no reason for us to be brave in front of each other. God, Danny, if we can't be open with each other, then who can we express ourselves to?"

Danny bobs his head. "You're right. I'm sorry. It's just, this is so far from anything we've ever had to deal with before."

Shivering, CJ snuggles into Danny's torso. "I know, sweetheart, I know. Just remember you're the one that always tells me we can get good at new things. Just please, please assure me that we can get through this together. God, Danny, I need you so much."

Danny hugs his wife to his chest and kisses her temple. "I need you, too, and I promise I'll always be there for you. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you today. But right now, I think we should go inside because you're freezing."

Holding hands as they walk, CJ and Danny retrace their steps back to their bedroom, but this time feeling less scared and in despair than before.

CJ crawls in her side of the bed and wraps an arm around a dozing Patty.Stripping out of his t-shirt, Danny slips in the other side and snuggles up next to Abbey. They both reach across the bed and their children's backs to hold hands, cocooning the children in a safe haven. At least for tonight, they could all be together, safe in the loving support of a strong family.


	3. Chapter 3

Part 3

Part 3

The Concannons had, for the most part, slept very soundly as they  
snuggled close together in the king-sized bed. Danny had had a rare  
nightmare in which Abbey had quickly went down hill and succumbed to  
the disease. CJ had shook him awake gently, finding hot tears burning  
on the edges of his eyelids, and pulled him closer so she could rub  
his back and dry the tears with her lips.

They all lazily woke late in the morning. CJ had cancelled all  
her appointments for the day, anticipating needing to stay home to  
nurse Abbey. Danny called into work and said he wouldn't be able to  
make it in again. He would go speak to the dean of his department on  
Monday, when (hopefully) he'd be in better shape to assess his ability  
to work for the rest of the semester.

"I'm gonna call the Bartlet's. When do you want to tell your  
mother?" CJ crosses the room with a full tray of breakfast food for  
the family to enjoy in bed.

Danny turns away from the T.V to address CJ. " Tonight. I'll call  
tonight." He involuntarily sighs, and when this catches the kids'  
attention, he quickly diverts their attention. " Waffles! Wow, not  
every morning we get waffles."

Once breakfast disappears, everyone showers and heads to the main  
floor. Danny sets the kids up with a movie and game of "Go Fish" in  
the den before joining CJ to clean up the breakfast dishes and the  
kitchen.

"I'm gonna go upstairs and call Abbey," CJ announces, folding the  
dish cloth and hanging it on the oven handle.

"Okay, I'll go play cards with the kids before I need to start  
planning more lessons. Do you think we should be making phone calls  
about Abbey?" Danny follows CJ out into the hallway.

CJ turns around on the stairs. " The oncologist is supposed to  
call us with an appointment. But I'll see what Abbey suggests."

Danny gives his head a shake. " This is too confusing. Remind me  
again why we named our daughter after your honorary mother?"

CJ turns her head to smile at Danny. These thoughts had occurred  
all the time in the last 5 and a half years.

"How are you coping?" Abbey Bartlet's reassuring, motherly and  
doctor-ly tone comes across the other line.

CJ sighs in slight pain as she adjusts her pillow behind her  
neck. "I dunno. It's all so new right now. We're just trying to keep  
smiling for the kids. But, Danny…Danny didn't take it well. He went to  
the store and bought a pack of cigarettes, which I caught him smoking  
in the backyard last night. He just feels so helpless because he can't  
do anything to makbbey better."

"I know that feeling, as a doctor, wife and mother. Have you got  
an oncologist?"

"Yeah, Sherri is going to refer us to a pediatric oncologist,  
Theodore Erkir. He's supposed to be good. I don't know." CJ's voice is  
still resigned, sad and deflated.

Danny opens the French doors to their master bedroom and slips  
inside quietly. He noiselessly sits next to CJ on the bed and leans  
over to softly rub her shoulder.

"He's excellent. CJ. I've heard about his work. He's a good  
friend of a colleague of mine," Abbey states confidently. "If you send  
me any tests Abbey has, I'll sit down and show them to some of my  
friends in oncology. I'll make sure you know your options."

"Thank, you, Abbey. We appreciate you looking out for us."

"That's what family is for, sweetheart." This time Abbey's voice  
is light and low. "What are your plans for Thanksgiving?"

CJ shares a look with Danny. "I think we'll do Thanksgiving here.  
Danny's mother and sister, and my brothers will fly down for the  
weekend. We always spend Christmas on the East coast with you guys,  
Rosalyn and my brothers."

"Maybe Jed and I can spend a weekend in Santa Monica next weekend?"

"Oh, Abbey I'm sure you're too busy," CJ quickly interjects, not  
wanting to inconvenience the Bartlet's.

"Nonsense. Do you have plans?" Abbey asks.

CJ answers honestly. "No. We're just gonna try to get through  
next week with doctors and our work schedules. We probably won't make  
plans until we know more about Abbey."

"Okay, well unless something comes up, Jed and I will come down  
next weekend. Hopefully you'll have more information and we can sit  
down and figure out next steps. That is, of course, if you want our  
advice." Sometimes Abbey has to remind herself that CJ and Danny are  
grown adults, not actually their own children, and capable of making  
decisions for themselves.

"Okay, that is probably fine. Are you sure you don't mind?" CJ  
asks, just in case.

"Not at all. Listen, Jed is at a meeting for his foundation  
today. He should be home tonight, though. When he gets in I'll have  
him call you," Abbey offers, needing to leave for Zoey's. She and  
Charlie needed a babysitter tonight.

"That would be good, if it's not too much…"

"CJ, please stop with that. Jed isn't your boss anymore. Danny's  
not even writing his biography anymore. We're friends and family, and  
friends and family help each other out. Now, I promised Zoey I'd  
baby-sit this afternoon and evening so she and Charlie can go out. So,  
I'm sorry I have to cut you short. I'll talk to you later tonight when  
Jed is home. Will you be okay?"

CJ smiles weakly at Danny. " Yeah, I got Danny. Thanks Abbey."

"Anytime, dear. Take care. Give Danny and the kids a kiss from  
us. I love you."

"Thanks, Abbey. We love you, too." CJ disconnects the call and  
sits ups properly to face Danny.

Danny cocks a brow "What'd Abbey have to say?"

CJ curls into Danny's chest and rests her forehead against his.  
"She's gonna consult with oncologists she knows to make sure we're  
getting the proper advice. She and Jed are coming down next weekend."

Danny bites his lip and a retort. It isn't that he doesn't like  
it when the Bartlet's occasionally visit. But CJ gets very anal about  
the cleanliness and neatness of the house, even worse than when his  
mother visits. The last thing they need is CJ more stressed about  
trying to impress her former boss and mentor, and current close  
friends and family.

Isabella, CJ's assistant, had informed Donna that CJ wouldn't be  
able to make any of her appointments for today and tomorrow, and would  
she mind covering a couple for the foundation's president. This  
surprised Donna, because usually CJ gives her advance notice when she  
needs Donna to take a few items off of her agenda. So, when she  
finally has a moment to settle in behind her oak desk, she dials CJ's  
home number.

"Hello?" Danny practically grabs the phone off the receiver in  
the kitchen, only beating CJ to it by a second. They both had figured  
it would be Dr. Erkir's office.

"Hey, Danny. Is CJ there?" Donna's voice, full of concern, comes  
across the line.

Danny rolls his eyes to indicate that it isn't the doctor. "  
Yeah, Donna. Just a sec'." He hands the phone to CJ, which she accepts  
with little enthusiasm.

"Hey, Donna. Did Isabella tell you I wouldn't be in today and  
tomorrow?" CJ walks over to sit at the table, where she recommences  
cutting up vegetables for a salad for dinner.

"Yeah, And I don't mind taking a couple meetings, but I'm just  
worried. Are you sick? Is it one of the kids?"

Sighing deeply, CJ meets Danny's eyes. "Yeah, it's Abbey." Tears  
pool in CJ's eyes just thinking about it. Danny immediatelysets down  
the meat on the counter and rushes to the table to comfort his wife.

"Oh, no. What is it?" Donna asks cautiously.

"Donna, I can't…I don't wanna do this over the phone. Can you and  
Josh come over tonight?" CJ grasps the hand Danny offers her.

"Sure. I won't be home til six, but Josh should have dinner  
ready. We can probably be there around eight, after Noah's piano  
practice. Is that okay?"

"Yeah, that's great, Donna," is CJ's quiet reply.

Donna doesn't know what to say next, so she pauses a moment. "CJ,  
I hope everything is okay. Don't worry about anything, especially the  
Foundation. Josh and I will do anything we can to help."

"Thanks, Donna. Just keep the Foundation functioning for me.  
We'll see you tonight."

"Of course. Have a good day."

"You, too. Bye." CJ presses "end' on the phone and places it on  
the table.

"I didn't want to have to explain everything on the phone to  
them. It was so hard with Abbey. You have to talk to your mom tonight.  
I can't do these phone calls anymore." CJ collects herself and focuses  
on preparing dinner.

Danny understands what she means. He recalls the tear stains on  
CJ's cheeks after the conversation with Abbey Bartlet.

"We go to the oncologist on Tuesday, We wouldn't have gotten  
such an early appointment if our pediatrician and a former First Lady  
hadn't have called Dr. Erkir's office this afternoon," CJ relays to  
Josh and Donna, who are sitting on the couch opposite the love seat in  
the sitting room. The kids are playing board games in the den while  
the adults discuss the events of the last couple days.

"So, you'll probably have a lot of treatment in the neat future."  
Josh states as a fact, rather than a question.

"Yeah, and even more time away from work," CJ sighs lightly.

"Well, like I said, don't worry about work. We'll adjust the  
schedule around Abbey's appointments." Donna takes a sip of her tea  
and then sets her mug on the coffee table.

"I have a lot more flexibility than Danny. He can't just be  
abandoning his students in the middle of the semester." CJ tilts her  
head toward Danny, knowing how difficult it is for him to balance his  
responsibilities of fatherhood with those of his job.

"I'm taking a leave of absence." Danny announces quickly, under  
his breath. His eyes avert to the ground, knowing the argument that  
will ensue.

"What?" CJ's eyes widen in surprise.

"I'm taking a leave of absence. I've been thinking about all day.  
It's not fair to the students for me to be missing the lectures. And  
more importantly, it isn't fair to Abbey-or you-for me to be trying to  
balance a workload on top of being a devoted father." Danny looks up  
and meets CJs eyes, imploring her to understand.

CJ reaches for Danny's hands. "Danny, are you sure? I know how  
much you enjoy your job and…"

"CJ, I don't know how much time I've got left with my daughter.  
That's all out of my control. But I can make the decision to be there  
for her when she needs me the most. It's the only way we're gonna make  
this work."

"As long as you're sure about this," CJ whispers cautiously.

"It'll make money tight for a while, especially with the medical  
costs, but I know it has to be this way." Danny nods his head with  
conviction.

A crying child can be heard from the den, and it interrupts the  
conversation for a while.

"That's Davy. I'll go see what's wrong." Donna excuses herself  
and exits through the foyer .

"Mommy, can Noah and Ella sleep over tonight?" Abbey asks in her  
best sweet voice as Josh and Donna are gathering jackets for the kids  
and preparing to leave.

Donna grimaces as she lifts their dozing one year-old son to  
her shoulder.

CJ helps five year-old Noah into his jean jacket. "Another  
time, sweetheart. You've all got school tomorrow." They had already  
let the kids stay home today, and the future would hold enough sick  
days for Abbey, even if she was feeling better today.

"You can come over on the weekend and play with Noah and Ella if  
it's okay with your parents, Abbey," Donna offers with a warm smile.

"Yeah. If you guys ever need a break or anything, don't hesitate  
to call. We want to help out in anyway we can. " Josh says, once again  
offering the Lyman's whole-hearted support.

"Thanks, Josh. We'll talk to you tomorrow regardless." Danny  
offers his hand across to Josh (who is carrying his sleepy-eyed 3  
year-old daughter over his shoulder).

Josh exhales deeply and uses Danny's hand to draw him into a light  
hug. "Hang in there. We're gonna make her better," he whispers before  
releasing Danny with a pat on the shoulder.

Danny mouths "thank you" as Josh and Donna disappear behind the door.

CJ turns around and wearily takes the kids by the hands. "It's  
way past bedtime."

"Can we still have a story? Please, Mommy?" Abbey persuades as  
they ascend the stairs.

"A quick one," CJ concedes, with a glance behind at Danny. How can  
they deny the love of reading?

"Aren't you gonna get undressed?" CJ inquires, setting her  
hairbrush on the dresser and climbing into her side of the bed next to  
her already dozing husband.

Danny blinks rapidly as CJ sinks into bed." I'm too tired." He  
chuckles softly in self-deprecation.

CJ reaches for the hem of his waffle-style long shirt and begins  
tugging it up and over his head. Eventually Danny musters the strength  
to help CJ finish the undressing process. When he's down to his boxers  
he pulls the blankets over their bodies and pulls CJ into a tight  
embrace. CJ nestles her head in the crook of Danny's neck and brings a  
hand up to lie on his shoulder.

"Danny, we're gonna have to talk about this leave of absence thing…"

Danny interjects, still with his eyes closed. "Darling, you know  
I'd never make a life decision like this without consulting you, but  
believe me when I say that I'm completely set on giving all of my time  
and energy to my family until this…crisis subsides."

CJ has no further objections. Obviously Danny is determined and  
she's not going to oppose his desire to spend more time with the kids.  
Content, CJ merely whispers "okay" and drifts into a fitful slumber.


	4. Chapter 4

Part 4

Part 4

The shrill ring of the phone on the nightstand wakes CJ and Danny  
from a short afternoon nap on Sunday.

"Hello," Danny answers groggily.

"Danny? I'm sorry to bother you. Abbey's not feeling well. She  
was just sick and she's starting to run a fever." Donna's voice is sad  
and full of worry.

"We'll be right over. Tell her we'll be right there." Danny  
doesn't bother with pleasantries and manners and just hangs up on  
Donna. He's already half way dressed before CJ can ask what's wrong.

"Abbey's not feeling well. I'm going to get her," Danny explains  
as he bolts out of the master bedroom and down the stairs.

"I'll get the Tylenol ready. Danny, take the car!" CJ shouts into  
the closing front door. Even though the Lyman's are just down the  
street, she doesn't want Abbey having to walk home.

"I'm sorry, Danny. I know you and CJ were gonna try to get some  
rest while we watched the kids. It's usually Patty that needs to go  
home early." Josh motions for Danny to follow the foyer into their den  
where the kids were playing before Abbey got nauseous.

"It's okay, Josh. Thanks for your help." Danny tosses back as he  
reaches the den. He and CJ had needed the rest after the last few days  
of sleepless nights and tiresome days. But now his sole focus is on  
his baby girl.

"Daddy!" Abbey leans around Donna to reach for her father.

Danny drops to his knees beside the couch and bends over Abbey to  
pull her into a hug. "I'm here, baby."

"She's 102.1," Donna relays, brushing Abbey's bangs from her face.

"I'm so sorry, Donna. I'll take them back now. Thanks for taking  
care of them. PJ, grab your knapsack, buddy. " Danny scoops Abbey into  
his arms and waits for PJ to collect their toys.

"Do Abbey and Patty have to leave now?" Noah asks Danny with a  
disappointed pout.

"I've gotta get Abbey home and make her feel better. But don't  
worry, pal, we'll be back soon." Danny pats Noah on his head of blonde  
curls. He leads Patty out into the foyer and says a hurried goodbye to  
Josh and Lyman.

"No! No more." Abbey shakes her head away from CJ's out-stretched  
hand and the syringe of liquid Tylenol.

"Abigail Jean, remember how we talked about listening to Mommy and  
Daddy and the doctors because we know how to make you feel better?"  
Danny's firm voice is also full of love and concern, as he silently  
sends up a prayer that God will provide him with the vehicle to nurse  
his child back to health.

With a resigned sigh, Abbey sucks up the bittersweet liquid, but  
not without a displeased pucker of the lips.

"That's a good girl. Just lie down." CJ smoothes back Abbey's red  
curls and kisses her hot temple.

"Mommy?" Patty peeks his head through the open French doors, his  
stuffed elephant clutched firmly under his arm. "Can I sleep here, too?"

Danny turns to CJ and lowers his voice to a whisper. "He's been  
doing so good sleeping on his own."

"Yeah, but Abbey's already in here with us. We can't say no to  
Patty," CJ counters in a controlled, low voice.

"Just because his sister is sick, doesn't mean his routine should  
be interrupted," Danny points out.

CJ rolls her eyes and replies in an exasperated tone, "I think  
our entire routine is about to be thrown to hell anyway. He'll learn  
to sleep in his own bed. Maybe a little later than what we'd like, but  
he'll learn eventually."

Danny throws his arms up in the air to concede.

" Given the results of the biopsy, CT scan and the other tests  
you had done on Friday, I think our best strategy would be to start  
chemotherapy as soon as possible. Now, there's an opening at the  
hospital Thursday morning that Abbey can take for the first round." Dr  
Erkir glances over his computer screen on his massive wooden desk to  
look at his patient (who is calmly perched on Danny's knees) and her  
parents.

"Thursday? This Thursday? Isn't that a little soon?" CJ asks in  
alarm. They hadn't anticipated starting treatment so soon.

"It's important that we do this very aggressively," Dr. Erkir  
reiterates in an even tone.

"Yeah, but Thursday?" CJ's face is contorted in confusion.

"Honey, if the hospital has an opening, we should take it  
regardless," Danny suggests in a low voice.

With a sharp inhale, CJ nods. " I suppose you're right. We  
shouldn't wait." But Thursday is a special board of trustees meeting  
for the Hollis Foundation because CJ had announced yesterday (Monday)  
to Frank Hollis and the entire executive of the foundation that she  
would be taking a leave of absence, at least until the new year. CJ  
had felt, like Danny, that it was more important to be available to  
the kids during this crisis.

"Okay, then we'll start Thursday. I'm going to give you some  
brochures about the treatment so you know what to expect. Abbey will  
probably be quite ill for the duration, but it's a good way to prevent  
spreading." Dr. Erkir relays some more instructions to the parents  
until their appointment time is finished.

Danny sets Abbey in her booster seat when they make it to the  
parking lot and she's almost asleep by the time he has her buckled in.

"I'm supposed to attend a board of trustees meeting on Thursday.  
I can't ask the entire exec to reschedule again. And what are we gonna  
do about the Bartlet's visit?" CJ starts as she fastens her seatbelt.

"I can take Abbey on Thursday if you have to work. And the  
Bartlet's don't arrive until Friday afternoon." Danny tries to focus  
his attention on the road and not the visit to the specialist.

" Danny, I need to be there for her first chemo treatment. I'll  
just see if I can't move the meeting ahead a couple hours." CJ rubs  
her temple, stress radiating off her stiff shoulders. The next week  
would be too crazy.

"Patty, what are you doing?" CJ rushes into the kitchen at the  
sound of plastic hitting the hard-wood floor. She finds Patty crouched  
on the floor, rifling through the cupboard full of Tupperware containers.

Beaming, Patty stands up and outstretches his hand for CJ to take  
the small sippy cup. " I found Mr. Sippy."

CJ's brows rise in surprise. " Patty, why do you want Mr. Sippy?  
You're a big boy. You don't have to have a lid on your cups anymore."  
With an achy sigh, CJ drops to the ground to put all the contents back  
into he cupboard. " Help Mommy put the dishes away."

"Want Mr. Sippy," Patty pouts in his best puppy-dog impersonation.

CJ takes a deep breath and responds with measure. "Patty, you  
don't need your sippy cup anymore. Please go upstairs and put on your  
khaki pants and long shirt I put on your chair. Hurry up because  
Grandma and Grandpa will be here very soon."

Patty stomps off with a pronounced pout.

CJ finishes tidying the kitchen (including washing the counter  
and table) and proceeds up the stairs. She can hear Abbey vomiting in  
the kids' bathroom and decides to check in. Danny is sitting behind  
Abbey on the tile floor, holding the girl's shoulder-length bob of  
curls away from her face as she heaves into the commode.

The chemo treatment Abbey had received the previous day was  
already presenting side-effects. CJ had managed to cut her meeting at  
work short and arrive at the hospital just as they were about to  
start. Everyone had had a restless night, with Abbey up sick and Patty  
wetting the bed for the first time in several months.

"They'll be here soon," CJ relays as she soaks a cloth in the  
sink and places it over Abbey's warm forehead.

"Okay, we'll be down in a minute." Danny wraps an arm around his  
daughter and draws her close.

At the sound of the doorbell, CJ rushes down stairs to open the  
door for the Secret Service agents who check the house before allowing  
the former First Couple to enter. Patty comes barreling down the  
stairs and CJ has to do a double-take because Patty has attempted to  
fit into his favourite old pajamas with monkeys and bananas printed on  
them. He's quite a funny sight with the sleeves of the button-down  
shirt up to his elbows and his gangly legs poking through the material  
as soon as it meets his knees.

"All clear," a tall black agent informs the First Couple.

"Come in, come in. It's good to see you both." CJ motions for the  
Bartlet's to step inside the foyer.

"Oh, honey." Abbey Bartlet embraces CJ with a tight squeeze  
before turning to the small boy beside his mother. " CJ, I think you  
need to buy some new pajamas for this big boy." She winks at Patty  
with a large grin before pulling him in for a hug.

CJ rolls her eyes when Jed releases his hold on her. "I don't  
know how he found those old things in my Hope chest. Patty, I told you  
to go put on your pants and long shirt. Put those back in the chest  
where you found them."

"No! Wanna wear my monkeys." Patty squares off, arms folded  
across his stuffed elephant.

"Patty, if you don't go upstairs and change, you're going to  
spend the afternoon in your room without any toys," CJ warns firmly.  
Finally Patty concedes and storms upstairs, still angry that he can't  
wear his favourite pajamas.

"I'm so sorry. Patty's been acting up for the last few days. And  
please excuse the mess. We've hardly been home long enough to give the  
place a good cleaning." CJ leads her former boss and his wife into the  
sitting room off to the left of the foyer.

"That's all right, dear. How's Abbey?" Abbey Bartlet inquires,  
taking a seat next to Jed on the loveseat.

"My tummy aches, Grandma," Abbey responds as she walks slowly  
into the sitting room, wrapped in her handmade quilt and holding her  
plush monkey and teddy.

"Oh, dear. Come sit with Grandpa and me." Abbey motions with a  
warm smile for the child to sit between her and Jed.

"Where's Daddy?" CJ asks, perching on the edge of the couch.

"He's helping Patty get dressed. He couldn't get his old p.js  
off." Abbey nestles in beside her surrogate grandparents.

"Can I get you anything to drink?" CJ asks of her guests, just  
as Danny leads a properly dressed Patty into the room.

" No thank you," comes the reply.

"Daddy, I'm gonna be sick," announces Abbey, throwing her hands  
to her mouth.

"I'm so sorry for all this chaos," CJ gushes, stirring the pasta  
sauce on the stove. " and this lousy dinner."

"Relax, CJ," Abbey Bartlet assures. "we completely understand.  
We didn't come here to make you more stressed. We're here for  
support." Abbey is chopping up cucumber for a salad at the counter.

"It's just hard. Between Abbey's health and Patty's behavioral  
issues, we're very drained." CJ tosses the boxed pasta into a pot of  
boiling water.

"Maybe you should consider getting therapy," Abbey suggests casually.

"Therapy? We're busy, but I don't think we're insane." CJ gives  
her head a shake as she adds another pinch of salt to the sauce.  
nice  
"I'm not saying you are. But the next few months will be  
difficult on all of you. I think maybe it's already starting to affect  
Patty. He's regressing."

Without stopping her task of setting the table, CJ replies, "What  
do you mean?"

"I mean, I think Patty's regressing because he isn't used to his  
sister getting more attention than him. He's always been the baby,  
always had the health problems. So, he feels like he needs to act like  
a baby again so you'll pay attention to him." Abbey shrugs with a breeze.

CJ cracks a tiny smile, pausing in front of her surrogate mother.  
" Abbey, did you become a child psychologist since Jed left office?"

"It's a very normal reaction. Nothing you can't put a stop to. I  
just think it would be beneficial for the kids to see a professional."  
Abbey doesn't want to offend CJ or make it seem as if she is trying to  
control the situation. " But of course, it's up to you."

"Dr. Erkir said we'd try chemo and radiation for a while. See if  
we can kill all the cancerous cells and send it into remission." CJ  
sighs deeply and raises her mug of herbal tea to her lips.

Danny laces his fingers around CJ's and turns to their guests on  
the love seat of the sitting room. "But he didn't want to speculate  
about what happens if the radiation isn't enough."

"Doctors need to be frank, but they also don't want to be too  
forthcoming with information, so the loved-ones stay focused on the  
current status of the patient and not dwell on possible bad outcomes  
in the future," Abbey explains calmly.

"Abbey, when do we panic? I mean, we're already so scared of  
losing her, but how do we know when…all avenues have been exhausted?"  
Danny swallows hard and releases a breath he hadn't been aware he was  
holding.

Abbey looks CJ and Danny in the eyes directly." It's not time.  
Just stay positive and progressive. If you show Abbey how to fight  
this, she'll have a good chance. You mustn't let your mind go into  
what if' territory."

CJ and Danny share a look. How can they not imagine the greatest  
tragedy of all? Losing a child.


	5. Chapter 5

Part 5

Part 5

â€œAbbey?â€ Danny perches on the side of the twin bed with pink  
frilly blankets and four fluffy pillows. The large lump in the centre  
indicates that Abbey is hiding again. â€œBaby, come out of there. Noah  
and Ella really want to see you. What do you say we take a walk up to  
the Lymanâ€™s and play there for a while?â€ When the lump that is his  
daughter doesnâ€™t respond, Danny exhales deeply. â€œ Abigail, come on out  
of there.â€

Abbey slowly removes the blankets from around her head and sits  
up. Her head is as shiny and bald as it was last night when they had  
taken the last little ringlets of her red hair and shaved them clean.  
It had taken CJ and Danny hours to convince the child that it would  
look and feel better to shave it all off then leave little strands  
sticking out haphazardly. She doesnâ€™t appear to have regained her  
self-esteem. â€œIâ€™m not leaving the bed.â€

â€œWhy not, baby?â€ Danny asks, caressing the back of her neck with  
his fingers.

â€œCause I have no hair. Iâ€™m not pretty anymore. I donâ€™t wanna go  
out without my hair.â€ Tiny tears dribble down her hallow, sharp  
cheeks. Her once lively and rosy cheeks have become sunken as her  
tiny, frail body struggles to combat the chemo therapy thatâ€™s killing  
her cells.

Suddenly Danny is hit with an idea. He reaches up and removes the  
Boston Red Sox cap from his head and places it on his daughterâ€™s  
ghostly white head. He scoops her into his arms and carries her over  
to her dresser. He sets her down on the little stool and points to the  
mirror in front of her.

â€œWhat do you see?â€

Abbey shrugs. â€œ Me.â€

â€œWell I see my beautiful little girl, who doesnâ€™t need her hair  
to make her pretty or special.â€ Danny rests his hand on her bony shoulder.

Abbey whips her head around, her lips twisted in a confused  
grimace. â€œBut you always say you love how much I look like Mommy with  
my hair and my eyes.â€

Danny smiles, he just canâ€™t contain it. â€œ Yes, I do. But thatâ€™s  
not why I love you, princess. I love you because youâ€™re my daughter  
and nothing you will ever do will ever make me stop loving you.â€

â€œReally?â€ Abbey quirks a tiny smile, revealing the pearly teeth  
Danny had so missed seeing for the past month.

â€œA fatherâ€™s love is un-conditional, never ending. I promise.â€  
Danny wraps both arms around Abbeyâ€™s tiny frame and holds tight.

â€œOkay,â€ Abbey breathes out. â€œ I wanna go play with Noah and Ella.â€

Danny helps Abbey wash up and change out of her pajamas. Then  
they both bound down the stairs, Abbey feeling more energetic than she  
has in weeks. They go into the kitchen.

â€œHey, look whoâ€™s out of her p.js!â€ CJ slings the dishtowel over  
her shoulder and bends to hug her daughter who is decked out in a jean  
jumper and red waffle shirt. She notices Dannyâ€™s favourite ball cap  
has been adjusted to fit snuggly over top of Abbeyâ€™s bald head.

â€œIâ€™m gonna go play with Noah and Ella,â€ Abbey announces with a  
firm nod.

â€œThatâ€™s a great idea. Theyâ€™ve missed you a lot. Why donâ€™t you  
have a snack first then weâ€™ll walk you over?â€ CJ points to the table  
where Patty is munching on a rice cake layered thinly with peanut butter.

CJ walks across the kitchen and bumps elbows with Danny, her face  
lighter and happier than it has been in several weeks. â€œYou got her  
out of bed.â€

â€œIt cost me my favourite cap,â€ Danny feigns disappointment.

CJ laughs out loud, her contagious laughter resounding through  
the house. â€œI think youâ€™ll manage.â€

â€œDonna suggested that she watch the kids later so we can finish  
the Christmas shopping,â€ CJ tells Danny, her eyes trained on the play  
area in the oncologistâ€™s office where Abbey and Patty are building a  
railway track out of little wooden pieces of track that fit together  
like a jigsaw puzzle.

Danny nods mutely, silently brooding over the impending  
consultation with the pediatric oncologist. Abbey had been receiving  
chemo therapy for a month now, with little success, and both parents  
are worried about what the doctor will suggest next.

The nurse comes to get CJ and Danny and asks them to leave the  
kids in the play area; the receptionists will keep an eye on them  
while Dr. Erkir talks to them. In a few minutes, the doctor steps into  
the examining room, clipboard in hand.

Dr. Erkir shakes their hands and settles in behind his large  
desk. â€œThank you for coming today. I know it must be a busy time with  
two kids this close to Christmas.â€

â€œPatty hardly settles down enough to sleep,â€ CJ responds with a  
slight chuckle.

Dr. Erkir flips open the file folder, folds his hands on top of  
the desk and peers through his glasses at the Concannonâ€™s. â€œAs you may  
already have guessed, the treatment isnâ€™t exactly working as weâ€™d like  
it to.â€

â€œIs there something else we can try? Thereâ€™s gotta be another way  
toâ€¦â€ Danny begins, practically falling out of his chair he is so close  
to the edge.

The doctor raises his hand by way of getting Danny to relax  
â€œThere is something else we can try. Itâ€™ll take awhile and it isnâ€™t  
one hundred percent guaranteed to work.â€ He looks up expectantly, but  
already knows that the two concerned parents will try whatever it  
takes to make their daughter feel better.

â€œAnything. Weâ€™ll try anything,â€ Danny tells the doctor in a rush  
of breath.

â€œWe can try doing a bone marrow transplant. It is invasive and  
isnâ€™t always successful. But if we can find a close match in a donor,  
it could drastically improve Abigailâ€™s chances of sending the leukemia  
into remission. Introducing healthy bone marrow into the body gives  
the body a chance to produce more red and while blood cells that are  
critical.â€ Dr. Erkir passes some papers across the desk so the parents  
can read more about the procedure and what it would entail.

â€œSo, how do we find a donor?â€ Danny asks, scanning the  
information in front of him.

â€œYou can ask your relatives to see their physician and get a  
simple test done. The closer relation to Abigail, the better chances  
of a successful transplant. For the donor, itâ€™s actually minimally  
invasive. Now, I know itâ€™s the holidays so if you can have your  
relatives send the test results to my office some time in the early  
new year, Iâ€™ll assess the results and weâ€™ll talk about the surgery  
further.â€

â€œOf course. Weâ€™ll get on it right away.â€ Danny glances at CJ, who  
vigorously nods her approval.

â€œWeâ€™ll stop the chemo for a few weeks over the holidays. Iâ€™m sure  
youâ€™ll be busy and it would be nicer for all of you, especially  
Abigail, to have her feeling a little better for Christmas. In the  
mean time, you can head down to the lab area and have yourselves  
tested for a suitable match.â€

â€œThank you for your help, Dr. Erkir. Do you think a bone marrow  
transplant will work?â€ CJ stands up and gathers her purse and jacket.

The doctor licks his lips and nods evenly. â€œ If we can get a good  
match, it could make all the difference.â€

â€œThank you, doc.â€ Danny shakes his hand and slips his jacket on.

â€œHave a good holiday,â€ Dr Erkir calls before sitting back behind  
his desk.

The holidays for the Concannonâ€™s had been full of busy airports.  
On Christmas eve, the family had flow to Boston to spend Christmas at  
Dannyâ€™s motherâ€™s with her, Dannyâ€™s sister and her children, as well as  
CJâ€™s brothers and Hogan. Normally they would have had a separate visit  
with CJâ€™s side of the family, but Rosalyn had offered to host the  
entire family for Christmas to save CJ, Danny and the kids from making  
another trip. CJ was able to convince Abbey to go to mass on Christmas  
eve without the Red Sox cap, but the little girl put it right back on  
Christmas day. This year, instead of being awoken Christmas morning at  
5 a.m by two giggling, excited young children, (as well as Dannyâ€™s  
niece and nephew), CJ and Danny had woke to Hogan leaning over them  
and relaying to them that Abbey had vomited all over the spare bedroom  
the two were sharing. Now the gang is staying at the Bartlet farm for  
the annual New Years eve reunion.

â€œSo, when do you think sheâ€™ll get the bone marrow transplant?â€  
Abbey Bartlet finally has a moment to talk privately with CJ. She had  
followed CJ into the kitchen when she was fetching a glass of  
ginger-ale for Abbey.

CJ returns the ginger-ale bottle to the fridge. â€œWeâ€™re hoping  
early in the new year. But we have to find a suitable donor first.â€ CJ  
begins pouring another glass of white wine and downs it in a few seconds.

Abbey raises a brow. â€œThatâ€™s your fourth or fifth glass.â€ She  
leans against the counter to meet CJâ€™s eyes in a serious stare.

â€œAre we rationing?â€ CJ counters, setting the glass down and  
resting her hands against on the counter.

Abbey rolls her eyes and pours a glass of wine for herself. â€œYou  
know thatâ€™s not it. Iâ€™m just concerned.â€

â€œWell, Iâ€™ve been spending the last six weeks nursing my five  
year-old through chemo therapy for the fatal disease thatâ€™s eating  
away at her body. We spent Christmas morning at the emergency room and  
Christmas night on the phone to our doctors, instead of helping our  
four year-old son put together the train set he was so excited about  
before Christmas but has no interest in now because all he wants is  
his parents to have time for him again. We finally arrive here after a  
delayed plane ride in which both of the kids spent the entire flight  
in the bathroom, and now Iâ€™ve got to constantly relay the hell that  
has been our lives for the last month and a half.â€ Taking a deep  
breath, CJ averts her eyes to the counter and tries to slow her  
rapidly beating heart. â€œSo, I donâ€™t think a couple glasses of wine is  
totally unwarranted right now.â€

The older woman reaches for the younger oneâ€™s trembling hand. â€œ  
CJ, donâ€™t keep this in.â€

When CJ looks up at the woman who has been family since the  
inception of the Bartlet campaign in 1997, large tears are forming on  
the rims of her eyelids. â€œWe havenâ€™t had time to eat or sleep, let  
alone deal with all this properly.â€

Abbey walks around the side of the counter and draws CJ into a  
tight hug. â€œYou should have said something earlier. You kept telling  
me you were fine.â€

â€œIâ€¦I thought I was. I guess itâ€™s all just starting to hit me,â€ CJ  
sobs quietly, still trying to maintain her composure.

Abbey runs her fingers across CJâ€™s cheeks to dry her tears. â€œWhy  
donâ€™t we come to Santa Monica and help you two out for a few weeks?â€

CJ sighs out loud, exhaling all the tension that has been  
building up for weeks. â€œ Dannyâ€™s mother is going to come stay with us  
if and when Abbey gets the bone marrow transplant. But, thanks for the  
offer.â€ CJ offers a grateful, tiny smile.

â€œOkay. Then letâ€™s try this. For the next two days until you head  
back to California, Iâ€™ll be in charge of caring for the kids.â€ At CJâ€™s  
almost voiced protest, Abbey continues. â€œYou and Danny are going to  
go skiing, relax on the couches and watch as many bad movies as you  
can tolerate.â€

â€œAbbey, I appreciate that, I really do, but youâ€™ve got enough on  
your hands playing hostess to sixteen house guests.â€ CJ walks over to  
the dishwasher and places her wine glass inside. Sheâ€™s feeling pretty  
light-headed and doesnâ€™t want to add any more alcohol to the mix.

â€œIf it proves to be too challenging for me, a mother of three and  
Ivy-league educated surgeon, then Iâ€™ve got three other mothers-Donna,  
Margaret and Annabeth- and three fathers-Jed, Josh and Toby- who can  
provide back up support. What do you say? Iâ€™ll tell the kids that they  
should come to us if they need anything and give you and Danny a  
break.â€ Abbey smiles largely, the problem seemingly solved to her.

CJ bites her bottom lip, still not convinced about the plan. Can  
she really be replaced this easily?

Danny had enthusiastically signed on to the forty-eight hours of  
relaxing time scheme. He explained to the kids that he and CJ were  
very tired after the holidays and that they should try to listen to  
Grandma and Grandpa and do activities with them while they were  
staying on the farm. Of course, he had made a point of telling them,  
if they really needed their parents they could always find them. But  
it was important, he reiterated, that they give Mommy as much time to  
herself as possible.

The night had been relatively eventless. CJ and Danny had tucked  
the kids in (explaining to the Bartletâ€™s that it isnâ€™t too daunting on  
them to read a story and help the kids wash up for bed) upstairs  
(Abbey, Ella and Molly in one room and Patty, Noah, Huck,  
Thomas-Margaretâ€™s son- and Joel-Annabeth and Tobyâ€™s son- in another  
room) and spent the remainder of the evening catching up with their  
old friends and ringing in the New Year. The older kids were permitted  
to stay up until 12:30 and all of them dragged themselves up to bed  
without much fuss. Miraculously, both Abbey and Patty had slept  
peacefully through the night in their rooms with their best friends.  
With such a good start to the day, Abbey and Jed had taken the kids  
(along with the other parents and children) to a winter carnival and  
left CJ and Danny at the farm alone with instructions to â€œrelaxâ€ until  
they got back.

â€œSo, a whole house to ourselves.â€ Danny turns away from the  
closed front door and toward his wife standing behind him.

â€œIâ€™ve almost forgotten what weâ€™d normally do in this situation,â€  
CJ chuckles lightly.

â€œWell then let me remind you.â€ Danny wraps one arm around CJâ€™s  
waist and cups her cheek with his other hand, leaning into to capture  
her lips with his.

CJ breaks away from Dannyâ€™s kiss. â€œDid Patty have his hat on? Do  
you remember if Abbey has her thick gloves or just the mittens?â€ CJ  
wonders aloud, causing Danny to release his hold on her and reach for  
her hands.

â€œCJ, theyâ€™re fine. Theyâ€™re with some of the best parents in the  
world, not to mention a doctor. We just have to trust them.â€ Danny  
rubs CJâ€™s knuckles with his thumbs.

CJ exhales deeply. â€œ Itâ€™s hard.â€

â€œI know,â€ Danny whispers, his gaze meeting CJâ€™s and telling her  
he truly understands. â€œBut this may be the last opportunity we have  
for a long time to just enjoy each otherâ€™s company. So why donâ€™t we go  
take a little walk around the property and maybe get a nap in before  
everyone comes back?â€

CJâ€™s face forms into the first genuine smile sheâ€™s displayed in  
days. â€œYouâ€™ve always got good ideas. I know I married you for a good  
reason.â€

The dozing couple didnâ€™t even hear the fourteen guests and two  
hosts return to the farm. After a long, leisurely stroll around the  
property (and long discussion about how they were honestly feeling  
about Abbeyâ€™s health, Pattyâ€™s behaviour and the futureâ€™s outlook) CJ  
and Danny crawled into â€˜theirâ€™ bed, wrapped their arms around each  
other and fell into a deep slumber.

â€œGrandma, can I have a cookie?â€ Abbey Cregg Concannon climbs up  
onto a stool at the kitchen counter and rests her chin on the counter.

Abbey Bartlet,pausing her task of pouring apple cider for her  
cold guests, has to quickly consider the request. Even though Abbey is  
feeling much better than yesterday and managed to keep down her  
breakfast and a mug of hot chocolate at the carnival, she knows the  
childâ€™s body has been living off ginger-ale and saltines for the last  
six weeks. Too much sugar or heavy foods would probably ruin Abbeyâ€™s  
streak of good health today. â€œIâ€™ll tell you what, sweetheart. If you  
can finish your dinner tonight, you can have a cookie for dessert.â€

Abbeyâ€™s face falls. â€œ But everyone else got cookies. Grandpa said  
I had to ask you first before he would let me have one.â€

Abbeyâ€™s heart aches. As a mother, she had always watched the  
kidâ€™s sugar consumption carefully. As a grandmother, she has the  
luxury of not needing to worry about the kidsâ€™ diet as much. How can  
she let Abbey be the only child without a cookie?  
â€œAll right, dear. But just one.â€ Sheâ€™s going to murder Jed later for  
putting her in this position.

â€œYeah! Thank you, Grandma.â€ Abbey rushes out of the kitchen and  
back to the den where the rest of the kids are enjoying their snack.

Abbey Bartlet gently wakes the Concannonâ€™s for dinner. CJ  
scolds the older woman for letting them sleep so long, before turning  
to scold her husband for not setting an alarm to wake them.

â€œHow are the kids?â€ Danny asks as they follow Abbey downstairs.

â€œGreat. They had a wonderful time at the carnival,â€ Abbey relays.

â€œThanks so much for taking them. The last few weeks have been  
hard on them. Itâ€™s nice that they got a chance to just be kids again.â€  
CJ is so grateful for this little reprieve. She and Danny had  
desperately needed the couple hours of uninterrupted peace to sort  
through their emotions.

CJ and Danny enter the den and the kids rush to hug their parents  
and tell them all the details of their outing.

The adults (and one year-old Davy) sit around the long table in  
the dining room for dinner, while the kids sit in front of a foldable  
card table in the den to eat their dinner. The adults are only ten  
minutes into their meal when theyâ€™re interrupted by Mollyâ€™s presence.

â€œUm, Abbeyâ€™s vomiting in the bathroom.â€ The ten year-old informs  
the group with a grimace.

CJ and Danny are up before Abbey Bartlet has time to protest and  
tell them that she will take care of it.

â€œYou were doing so good, honey,â€ CJ cries, soaking a hand towel  
in cool water when they reach the downstairs bathroom.

Danny sits on the floor behind Abbey and holds her curls behind  
her neck as she bends over the commode. â€œMaybe the dinner was just too  
heavy,â€ Danny hypothesizes. He saw what CJ put on her plate and it  
didnâ€™t look like much- a half a baked potato, a small slice of roast  
beef and some green beans. Then again, Abbey had really only been  
eating soup for the last few weeks.

â€œOkay, sweetheart. Letâ€™s get you upstairs. You can lie down in  
our room.â€ CJ leads the girl out the door when she is finished tossing  
her dinner.

Danny goes into the room the girls are sleeping in and retrieves  
Abbeyâ€™s pajamas and brings them back to the guest room he and CJ are  
occupying, along with Abbey teddy, monkey and hand made black doll CJ  
had brought her from Malawi. As the parents tuck the child in between  
the sheets, Abbey Bartlet approaches the doorjamb.

â€œI can stay with her. You should go finish your dinner. â€œ Abbey  
just wants to make things easier on CJ and Danny. It doesnâ€™t look that  
goal has been accomplished yet.

â€œThatâ€™s all right, Abbey. Iâ€™m staying here. Thanks for the offer,  
though.â€ Danny seats himself on the side of the bed and brushes young  
Abbeyâ€™s loose curls from her clammy forehead.

Abbey sighs and lowers her head. â€œ I was only trying to give you  
two a break. Iâ€™m sorry. I should have taken better care of her.â€

Blinking rapidly in confusion, CJ raises a dark brow at Abbey.  
â€œWhat do you mean? You took excellent care of the kids all day.â€

The older woman shakes her head back and forth, regret etched in  
her expression. â€œI let her eat too much too soon. See, at the carnival  
the kids wanted to get hot chocolate. We couldnâ€™t very well deny Abbey  
a share in the treat. Then this afternoon when we got home, Jed gave  
the kids some homemade cookies- the stupid oaf. Anyway, Abbey asked me  
if she could have one, and I couldnâ€™t resist. How could I tell her no  
when all her friends were having them? And then there was the apple  
ciderâ€¦â€

Danny feels nauseous for Abbey just thinking of all the things  
her stomach can no longer handle. CJ visually recoils.

â€œIâ€™m so sorry,â€ Abbey gushes again.

â€œNo, donâ€™t be sorry. This isnâ€™t your fault.â€ CJ stands up to walk  
over to Abbey Bartlet.

â€œThatâ€™s right. Abbeyâ€™s our daughter and itâ€™s our responsibility  
to care for her,â€ Danny adds as the little girl curls into his chest.

â€œWe appreciate your help today, but I think weâ€™re going to resume  
our responsibilities again. You may be a fantastic grandmother, but  
sometimes only a parent will do.â€ CJ illustrates her gratitude with a  
hug.

â€œCall if you need anything,â€ Abbey instructs seriously before  
closing the door and leaving the child in the most competent care  
possible-her parents.

â€œBoth asleep?â€ Donna asks as CJ and Danny join the other adults  
in the massive den. The kids have all been read to and tucked in tight  
so the adults are enjoying a hockey game and each otherâ€™s company.

â€œFor the time being,â€ Danny quips, taking a seat next to Jed on  
the adjacent couch while CJ settles in between Abbey and Margaret.  
Josh and Donna are curled up in the large recliner and Toby and  
Annabeth are sitting on the floor with their backs against the wall.

â€œWell, hereâ€™s to a house full of wonderful children who are safe  
in bed surrounded by the security of six armed agents and the love of  
their parents and extended family.â€ Jed raises his glass of beer to  
Danny and the gathered group.

Only CJ and Danny are thinking that the Secret Service and their  
parental love arenâ€™t always enough to truly provide security.


	6. Chapter 6

Part 6

Part 6

Danny was about to go out onto the patio and spark up the  
barbeque to prepare dinner when the kitchen phone begins ringing. He  
sets the plate of burgers (it had been a good day for Abbey and they  
were going to attempt â€˜realâ€™ food tonight) on the table before lifting  
the receiver to his ear. â€œY-ello,â€

â€œMr. Concannon?â€

â€œAs I live and breathe. What can I do for you?â€ Danny is pretty  
happy just to see his daughter up and doing all her usual activities  
today.

â€œThis is Francine from Dr. Erkirâ€™s office,â€ the light feminine  
voice informs him.

Dannyâ€™s adrenaline kicks in and heâ€™s immediately alert. â€œ What is  
it?â€

â€œPlease hold for the doctor,â€ Francine tells him. After a short  
pause, Danny is connected with the oncologist.

â€œDanny? Theodore Erkir here,â€ comes the familiar voice of the  
doctor across the line.

â€œYes. What is it?â€ Danny repeats, evidently anxious.

â€œIs CJ with you?â€ Dr. Erkir enquires.

â€œJust a minute. Iâ€™ll get her.â€ Danny calls for CJ, knowing she is  
in the den playing â€œGo Fishâ€ with the kids.

CJ rushes into the kitchen, concern written in her expression.  
â€œWho is it?â€

Danny motions for her to sit at the table as he pulls out a seat  
for himself. â€œ Okay, weâ€™re both here.â€ Danny has to clear his voice,  
already becoming terrified of the news the doctor has to relay to them.

â€œIâ€™ve got some good news. Iâ€™ve reviewed the bone marrow tests  
that were sent to my office. Weâ€™ve found a great match for Abigail.â€

Danny practically faints with relief as he tells CJ the good news.

â€œWhoâ€™s the match?â€ CJ wants to know.

â€œWho is it?â€ Danny repeats for the doctor.

â€œItâ€™s you, Danny,â€ the doctor informs slowly.

Dannyâ€™s right hand covers his heart. His eyes close in a silent  
prayer of thanks to the Lord. â€œThatâ€™s the best news weâ€™ve had in  
months.â€ Danny grins widely at CJ and mouths â€œmeâ€ to tell her.

â€œYou think youâ€™re ready?â€ the doctor asks. He has a feeling the  
devoted father would leap at the chance, but itâ€™s not like the  
procedure is without pain for the donor.

â€œAbsolutely. Letâ€™s do this as soon as possible.â€ Danny feels CJâ€™s  
hand squeeze his hand in excitement, her eyes glistening with happy tears.

â€œI anticipated that would be your reaction. I took the liberty of  
booking the surgery fo next week. Do you think Abigail will be ready?â€

â€œWeâ€™re all very ready,â€ Danny assures the doctor.

â€œDanny, I want to remind you that I canâ€™t guarantee this will  
work. I want you to remain positive, but I do not want any of you to  
get your hopes too high.â€ The doctorâ€™s tone is serious, but Danny is  
putting all his energy into praying for this ray of hope.

They go over details for the next few minutes and when the call  
is completed Danny hangs the phone up and practically falls into CJâ€™s  
outstretched arms.

Tightly embracing, they both allow the tears of joy to flow freely.

â€œThis is what you wanted, isnâ€™t it?â€ CJ asks, her eyes meeting  
Dannyâ€™s as she rubs her index finger across the tear track on Dannyâ€™s  
cheek.

Danny beams. â€œIt looks like God answered my prayers.â€

â€œYouâ€™re going to save your daughter, Danny,â€ CJ grins insanely as  
Danny brings their joined hands to his lips to kiss.

â€œSo your new bone marrow is gonna make my body make new blood  
cells?â€ Abbey tries to understand the surgery that her parents are  
explaining to her later that night as they all lie in CJ and Dannyâ€™s  
bed. CJ and Danny had agreed to only celebrate this development in  
private, not wanting to fill the kids with false promise. They were  
being objective and practical in their explanations, the strategy they  
had been employing all along. They didnâ€™t want to have to discuss the  
possibilities of what would happen if this treatment proved unsuccessful.

â€œThatâ€™s right, princess. Thatâ€™ll make your body strong enough to  
fight the disease.â€ Danny runs his hand up and down the girlâ€™s bony arm.

â€œOkay, letâ€™s do it,â€ Abbey smiles strongly. Inside sheâ€™s scared,  
but her daddy said that it would make her feel better, so sheâ€™s  
willing to try.

â€œI think itâ€™s time to pray.â€ Danny commences the nightly ritual,  
sensing that the kids are growing tired. â€œYou wanna start, sweetie?â€

With a nod, Abbey bows her bald head and folds her pale hands.  
â€œTonight I thank God for my family- Mommy, Daddy and Patty, and for  
the food that our tableâ€™s been blessed with today. I pray that God  
will take care of all the children in the world who are hungry or  
sore. Iâ€™m thankful that Daddy has healthy bone marrow so maybe I can  
be healthy again. I wish God would give me the strength to fight my  
sickness so that one day I will grow up to be like Mommy and help lots  
of poor children around the world. Amen.â€

Danny and CJ share a knowing glance, both utterly amazed by their  
little girl. â€œAmen,â€ they echo in breathless whispers.

â€œPatty, your turn,â€ Abbey gently pokes the little boy in the ribs.

Patty goes through the routine of thanking God for the love of  
his family before â€œpassing the torchâ€ to his mother.  
â€œIâ€™ve been blessed with the most wonderful family a mother could  
ask for,â€ CJ begins. â€œI thank God every day for the blessings that are  
my beautiful babies. I thank Him for each and every day I have with  
my children and pray every night for one more day. Tonight Iâ€™m  
especially grateful that my incredible husband who gave me my daughter  
has the opportunity to once again give life to her. I ask that You  
guide the surgeonsâ€™ hands as they perform the bone marrow transplant  
and that the procedure is successful enough to send the disease into  
remission. I ask this in Your name. Amen.â€

â€œAmen,â€ Danny breathes, love radiating through his eyes to CJâ€™s.  
â€œI guess that just leaves me, then.â€ Danny clears his throat and  
closes his eyes. â€œ I think first I need to ask for forgiveness.  
Abbeyâ€™s illness has really tested my faith. There have been times  
where Iâ€™ve been so angry with You for inflicting this upon us. Weâ€™re  
good people. Weâ€™re good citizens who have always tried to live by Your  
example. Itâ€™s hard to understand why You would do this to us. But I  
realize Your love works in mysterious ways, and that Your master plan  
is not to be tampered with. I just pray, with all my heart, that You  
see fit to keep us all together as a family, united in our love. I ask  
for the ability to save the life I created as your child. I ask this  
in Your name. Amen.â€

After a long-held gaze, CJ averts her eyes to the kids. â€œAll  
right, whoâ€™s ready for story time?â€ CJ can see her sonâ€™s eyes becoming  
heavier as time progresses. Curled up in the pillows, Patty doesnâ€™t  
look like heâ€™ll make it through the story.

â€œYou can pick both stories tonight since PJâ€™s almost asleep.â€  
Danny shifts to the top of the bed so he can lie behind Abbey.

â€œNot sleeping,â€ Patty responds in vain, stifling a yawn and  
reaching for CJ.

As usual, Abbey crawls into Dannyâ€™s lap after she retrieves the  
chosen books from her bedroom, and CJ lies behind Patty, one arm  
draped across the dozing child and the other arm supporting her weight  
as she lies on her side.

â€œYou wanna read, or do you want me to?â€ Danny asks, examining the  
books Abbey picked.

â€œYou read, Daddy.â€ Abbey snuggles in beneath her favourite quilt,  
comforted by the sound of her fatherâ€™s â€œreading voiceâ€ and the steady  
pounding of his strong heart.

Stealing a glance between pages at his family lying in the bed,  
Danny seeks comfort in the sense of normality.


	7. Chapter 7

Part 7

Part 7

â€œOkay. All the numbers you could need are posted on the fridge.  
Please make sure Patty takes his medicine every night. Oh, andâ€¦â€

â€œCJ,â€ Rosalyn Concannon drawls with an eye roll. â€œ I have babysat  
my grandson before. Do you forget that Iâ€™ve raised two children on my  
own?â€ Dannyâ€™s mother lays her hand on CJâ€™s shoulder and smiles  
comfortingly.

Exhaling deeply, CJ nods. â€œ Of course. I know. Itâ€™s just that  
Patty hasnâ€™t been without either Danny or I for longer than a couple  
days.â€ CJ ruffles her sonâ€™s loose curls as he shovels his Cheerios  
into his mouth.

â€œCJ, you and Danny are going to be home almost every day. Heâ€™ll  
see you all the time.â€ Rosalyn realizes how different this situation  
will be for the family, but she also doesnâ€™t want her son and  
daughter-in-law to worry any more than necessary.

â€œI know, but itâ€™s not the same. Sure weâ€™ll be taking turns  
sleeping at the hospital and coming to stay with Patty, but heâ€™s not  
gonna have both of us here.â€ CJ sighs and rubs her temple.

The next month or two when Abbey will be in a special isolation  
room in the hospital after she receives a bone-marrow transplant will  
be critical to her condition. Since chemo and radiation over the next  
two days will destroy all her bone marrow and cancerous cells, Abbey  
will be especially prone to infection. Itâ€™s necessary to keep her in  
the hospital under constant watch so that complications do not arise  
and prohibit grafting of the new bone marrow that will enable her body  
to produce healthy cells. CJ and Danny, after long discussion, came to  
the conclusion that the only way they could get through the next four  
to eight weeks would be to alternate days and nights spent at the  
hospital with Abbey. Patty was simply too young and sensitive to be  
spending excess amounts of nights without either of them. Rosalyn  
would stay with Patty during the day and help to keep the house in  
order and Patty in routine as much as possible. Josh and Donna, as  
well as their neighbours, Ted and Marci, offered to take Patty a  
couple times a week for play dates and sleepovers (in the case of the  
former) to give Dannyâ€™s 77 year-old mother a break. Both CJ and Danny  
feel incredibly grateful for the support of friends and family during  
this time.

â€œAll right, sweetie, go upstairs and brush your teeth and get  
dressed for school. Josh and Donna will be here soon to take you to  
school and youâ€™ve gotta say a nice goodbye to your sister.â€ CJ takes  
Pattyâ€™s empty bowl and cup and puts them in the dishwasher.

â€œWill you call me tonight and tomorrow to tell me know how itâ€™s  
going?â€ Rosalyn asks, following CJ out into the hallway between the  
kitchen and the staircase.

â€œOf course. Iâ€™ll be home Thursday night to stay with Patty if  
Abbey and Danny are feeling pretty well. If theyâ€™re doing well you  
and Patty can see them at the hospital on Friday.â€ CJ repeats the  
plans Dr. Erkir and his team had outlined for the Concannonâ€™s. For the  
first few weeks, only immediate family would be allowed to visit  
Abbey, and they had to be sure to wash thoroughly and wear protective  
gear so as to avoid spreading bacteria to the girl with a weakened  
immune system.

A few minutes later, CJ enters Abbeyâ€™s room where she and Danny  
are trying to limit the girlâ€™s luggage.

â€œBut I canâ€™t leave him behind, Daddy.â€ Abbey clutches the  
precious monkey to her chest with a practiced pout that she knows will  
melt her fatherâ€™s heart.

â€œFine. Put him in the pack with all the others.â€ Danny rolls his  
eyes in CJâ€™s direction, letting her know that the packing process is  
not going in the direction theyâ€™d prefer of it.

â€œHoney, you canâ€™t take too much. Everything has to be clean and  
germ free,â€ CJ reminds the girl as she bends to examine the contents  
of Abbeyâ€™s backpack and duffle bag. In the back pack sits all of  
Abbeyâ€™s cherished toys:the teddy Danny had bought when he learned CJ  
was pregnant, the pink elephant he had purchased at the hospital the  
day she was born, the hand-sewn black doll CJ had brought back from  
Malawi, and the scruffy monkey the Lymanâ€™s had given her when she was  
born. In addition to the stuffed toys, Abbey had packed a couple of  
board games, a deck of cards, her Leap Frog hand-held game unit, and a  
few favourite books. The duffle bag contains a few sets of sweat  
suits, pajamas and under clothes, as well as the quilt CJ and Abbey  
Bartlet had assembled when young Abbey was still in the womb.

â€œItâ€™s a long time.â€ Abbeyâ€™s lips tremble. She surveys the room  
with â€˜Precious Momentsâ€™ bordering and soft pink paint.

â€œYouâ€™re gonna be back in no time,â€ Danny soothes, pulling his  
daughter close to his side. He picks up his Red Sox cap off the floor  
and plants it on her bare head. â€œ Youâ€™ve got my good luck cap.  
Everythingâ€™s gonna be fine.â€

Abbey cracks a smile. â€œIs it really good luck?â€

â€œIt won me your mother,â€ Danny teases, proceeding to tickle  
Abbey under the arms to distract her from thinking about how much  
sheâ€™ll miss the security of her bedroom.

CJ rolls her eyes dramatically. â€œAll right, guys. Letâ€™s get a  
move on.â€

They manage to get the kids and bags down stairs and into the  
foyer by the time a knock is heard at the front door. Danny opens the  
door to the entire Lyman family. Everyone had come to wish Abbey well.  
After they say their goodbyes, Josh would take Noah and Patty to school.

â€œYou ready for your transplant, kiddo?â€ Josh enquires, hands  
resting on the shoulderâ€™s of Noahâ€™s uniform green suit jacket.  
Little Davy is in the stroller and Ella is holding Donnaâ€™s hand.

The Concannonâ€™s shuffle out onto the front porch to greet their  
guests.Abbey nods mutely. The normally active and talkative child has  
adopted a sullen, calm demeanor in the last couple months.

â€œNoah, didnâ€™t you want to give Abbey something to take to the  
hospital?â€ Donna prods the boy with a large smile.

Noahâ€™s eyes dilate as he remembers the piece of red construction  
paper in his hands. â€œOh, yeah. Here, this for you.â€ He shyly reaches  
to hand Abbey the aforementioned paper.

Abbey accepts the hand-made card and opens to read its  
inscription aloud. â€œDear Abbey. I hope that your surgery makes you  
feel so much better. I want you to get well soon so we can play video  
games and basketball together again. Iâ€™m not gonna play â€˜NBA Pro Shot  
4â€™ on Nintendo until youâ€™re better enough to play with me. Love, Noah  
L. Lyman.â€

The parents all smile at the adorable words Noah had used to  
express his grief at losing his favourite playmate and best friend for  
the next month or two.

â€œAbbey, you should thank Noah and give him a hug.â€ CJ gently  
nudges the girl forward.

Abbey smiles weakly and envelopes Noah in an awkward hug. The  
first graders have yet to dispose of the popular childhood myth that  
kids of the opposite sex have cooties.

â€œPJ, why donâ€™t you give your sister a hug goodbye? I think Josh  
and Noah are ready to take you to school.â€ Danny squeezes his sonâ€™s  
small shoulders.

Once all the goodbyes and best wishes have been exchanged, Josh  
takes Patty by the hand and the Lymanâ€™s walk back down the sidewalk to  
their house. Danny puts Abbeyâ€™s bags (plus another bag for himself  
and CJ) in the car and buckles Abbey into her car seat.

CJ fastens her belt and turns around in the seat to catch a  
glimpse of Abbey waving goodbye to her house and neighbourhood, a tiny  
tear drop cascading down her hallow cheek.

About a week after the transplant, CJ and Danny meet with  
Dr. Erkir and his medical team at the hospital in a waiting room with  
large glass windows.

â€œSo, sheâ€™s still got a high fever and sheâ€™s nauseous?â€ Dr. Erkir  
confirms, writing on his clipboard.

â€œThey gave her some anti-nausea medication in her catheter this  
morning and it seems to be helping a little,â€ Danny relays.

â€œOkay. The good news is that I canâ€™t see any signs of an  
infection. Thatâ€™s very important. Weâ€™ll continue with the antibiotics  
treatment and blood transfusions, however. Chloe told me that Abbeyâ€™s  
starting to experience some cabin fever?â€ Dr. Erkir sits back against  
the plastic chair.

â€œ Sheâ€™s starting to get restless. Even though sheâ€™s very weak,  
she wants to move around more and get a change of scenery,â€ CJ  
explains, grimacing. Itâ€™s incredibly hard on the child to have to be  
contained in a private room, her only visitors being her parents,  
brother and grandmother.

â€œWell, hopefully by next week sheâ€™ll be strong enough to take  
trips to the play area. Sheâ€™ll need to be fully covered in protective  
gear, but it might help her to get exercising and playing again,â€ the  
doctor offers by way of solution.

Danny licks his lips and shares a look with CJ. â€œ We were kinda  
hopingâ€¦Two weekends from now will be Abbeyâ€™s six birthday. She wonâ€™t  
be able to leave the hospital. We were wondering if it would be  
possible to allow some additional visitors to come that day.â€

â€œHow many visitors are we talking?â€ Dr. Erkir purses his lips. It  
isnâ€™t that he wants to make his patients miserable, but he has to take  
all precautions necessary not to jeopardize their health.

â€œWell, really not that many, â€œ CJ responds. â€œ Thereâ€™s the  
Bartletâ€™s, theyâ€™re like grandparents to Abbey, and the Lymanâ€™sâ€¦and  
their three children. Soâ€¦seven, plus our son and Dannyâ€™s mother.â€

The doctor pauses to consider, glancing at a colleague. â€œ We may  
be able to set something up in one of the waiting rooms on the floor.  
But if anyone has even the slightest sniffle or coughâ€¦â€

â€œWe wonâ€™t let them near Abbey, â€œ Danny assures the doctor.

â€œEveryone will have to wear masks and gloves. Itâ€™s not going to  
be the best birthday party sheâ€™s ever had,â€ Dr. Erkir warns. He  
doesnâ€™t want to disappoint the family.

â€œItâ€™ll be enough just to have them there,â€ CJ says, knowing that  
Abbey is already growing tired of the lack of human interaction. The  
girl had talked twice to Jed and Abbey over the phone, once to Dannyâ€™s  
sister and niece and nephew, and once to Toby. Tonight theyâ€™d call and  
talk to the Lymanâ€™s so Abbey could chat with her best friend. But the  
phone is only entertaining for a limited period of time.

â€œOkay, weâ€™ll see what we can come up with.â€

â€œThank you, so much,â€ Danny gushes, relieved for the opportunity  
to give their daughter the best birthday under the circumstances.

â€œ Daddy, can I ask you something?â€

Danny opens his eyes and cranes his neck to look at his daughter  
lying next to him in the hospital bed. He was just about to doze off,  
believing Abbey to be long asleep. â€œSure, princess.â€

â€œDo think Iâ€™ll go to Heaven when I die?â€ Abbeyâ€™s striking blue  
eyes are fixated on the ceiling.

Now completely alert, Danny almost panics. â€œIâ€™m certain that you  
will because youâ€™re a good girl and love and trust God. â€œ

Seemingly satisfied with that response, Abbey continues her  
wondering aloud. â€œWhat do you think Heaven is like?â€

Danny is bewildered. â€œWhy do you ask, honey?â€

Her thin shoulders shrug. â€œ Chloe told me that the little boy,  
Michael, a couple rooms down the hall was taken by angels up to Heaven  
yesterday.â€

Danny silently curses Abbeyâ€™s favourite nurse for relaying that  
news to the impressionable child. He realizes it wasnâ€™t really the  
nurseâ€™s fault; she had probably handled the death as delicately as  
possible. But Danny is simply speechless.

â€œ I think Heaven is like a giant playground with lots of swing  
sets and as much ice cream as you can eat,â€ Abbey begins dreamily. â€œ I  
think everybodyâ€™s always laughing and smiling and nobody can cry. Do  
you think they have Little League in Heaven, Daddy?â€

Danny canâ€™t help but crack a smile. â€œ I sure hope so, sweetie.â€

â€œIf I died and went to Heaven, could I meet my grandparents that  
passed away? And Uncle Leo? Do you think theyâ€™ll like me? â€ Thereâ€™s  
the tiniest hint of terror in her voice.

Danny stifles a sigh. â€œ I know theyâ€™d love you.â€

â€œDaddy? Even though Iâ€™d finally get to meet them, I donâ€™t wanna  
die yet. â€˜Cause even though Heaven would be wonderful, I wouldnâ€™t have  
you or Mommy or Patty or Noah orâ€¦anyone I know. Daddy, Iâ€™m not  
finished my life here. Iâ€™m not ready to die.â€ The fragile girl doesnâ€™t  
utter a sob, but two silent hot tears descend from her eyelashes.  
Danny can feel his heart constrict, the taste of blood surges  
through his throat and sharp tears burn at the edges of his eyelids.  
He sucks in a large gulp of air and closes his eyes, reaching for  
Abbeyâ€™s hand to squeeze. â€œ Iâ€™m not ready to let you die, baby.â€

When CJ reaches the hospital entrance early the next morning  
after parking the car underground, she finds Danny hunched over on a  
bench and puffing on a cigarette. One hand supports his head while the  
other supports the offending object. â€œ Danny?â€ CJ immediately hastens  
her pace, concerned that Abbeyâ€™s health had taken a turn for the worse  
last night when she was spending the night with Patty at home. â€œWhatâ€™s  
wrong?â€

Danny slowly drags his gaze up to meet CJâ€™s. â€œI used to believe  
that God never gave challenges to people who couldnâ€™t handle them.  
But, I donâ€™t think I can take anymore.â€ His eyes are lifeless and  
bloodshot after a night staring up at the ceiling and cursing the Lord  
for putting his family-the most important accomplishment in his  
life-in peril.

â€œWhat happened?â€ CJ inquires, sitting on the bench next to her  
husband and taking the hand that Danny had held the cigarette in  
before he tossed it to the ground.

â€œIâ€™m a good person. I was raised in a Catholic house and  
parish. I always prayed. I worked hard at my job and always tried to  
be a good friend and neighbour. I know Iâ€™m not the perfect husband or  
father, but Iâ€™ve never taken my family-the best part of my existence-  
for granted. What does He expect? Is this not good enough for Him?  
Why does He want our baby? Sheâ€™s so good.â€ Fresh tears cascade down  
his pale, scruffy face. He had kept them in all night, not wanting to  
frighten Abbey. He hates to let her see him cry. A little girl should  
never see her father cry.

CJ licks her lips, tears threatening to drop at sympathy for her  
husband. â€œ Maybe too good. Maybe He wants her for Heaven.â€

This is the most theyâ€™ve discussed the prospect of losing their  
daughter. They had always discussed it in abstract terms, merely just  
a possibility. It would never happen to them, they had assumed. The  
emotions render them silent for a minute, each reflecting on the  
possibility of life with a huge void.

â€œDanny, is she okay? What happened last night?â€ CJ swipes at  
her tears and focuses on consoling Danny, who hadnâ€™t expressed this  
much helplessness and despair since Abbey was first diagnosed.

Danny visually collects himself and exhales deeply. â€œLast night  
she asked me all about Heaven-what was it like? Would her deceased  
family like to meet her?- and said that sheâ€™s not ready to die. I  
didnâ€™t know what to say. How could I comfort her? I couldnâ€™t lie to  
her and tell her that I could save her. Iâ€™ve done absolutely  
everything within my humanly capabilities to keep her safe and  
healthy. Itâ€™s out of my hands, out of my control. I hate being this  
helpless. Iâ€™m not ready to let her go. If she dies, a part of me will  
die with her. I donâ€™t think I could ever be complete again.â€

CJ shakes her head back and forth, silently agreeing with Danny.  
â€œ Thereâ€™s nothing worse than losing a child.â€

â€œI know we have Patty and we love him just as much as Abbey. But  
it wouldnâ€™t be the same, you know? Even if we had five or ten kids, it  
would still leave a void that is impossible to fill.â€

CJ stands up and tugs Danny up with her. â€œ Iâ€™m gonna take you home.â€

â€œNo,â€ Danny protests firmly.

â€œDanny, you need to rest. Look at you. Youâ€™re absolutely  
shattered. Come on, you can have a good sleep in our bed and a good  
home-made meal. Your mother made lasagna.â€ CJ attempts to tempt him  
into spending the day and night at home. Heâ€™s hardly left Abbeyâ€™s side  
since the transplant. For the most part, CJ had been alternating  
nights at the hospital so she could also spend time with Patty. For  
the most part Patty was being good for Rosalyn, but the older woman  
needed a couple nightâ€™s reprieve each week, so Patty would stay at the  
Lymanâ€™s one night on the weekends and CJ would come every couple days  
to stay with him. Danny had only been spending one or two nights a  
week away from the hospital. It isnâ€™t that he doesnâ€™t want to divert  
his attention to his son, but he recognizes that the boy misses CJ  
more than him, and that Abbey doesnâ€™t do well without his presence at  
night.

â€œI donâ€™t care about food now. We canâ€™t leave Abbey here by  
herself.â€ Danny shakes his head, not seeing how this will work.

â€œSheâ€™ll be fine; Chloe is there. Iâ€™ll take you home and then come  
right back here to spend the day and night with her. You need some  
time off, Danny. I really think you need to take the time to organize  
your thoughts. Youâ€™re in no frame of mind to be of help to Abbey  
right now. Iâ€™ll come tomorrow and meet the Bartletâ€™s when they get  
here, and you can go back to the hospital.â€

â€œMaybe I should ask Abbey first, see if sheâ€™s comfortable withâ€¦â€

â€œIâ€™ll go talk to her. Iâ€™ll tell her you need to go home and rest  
and spend time with Patty and that Iâ€™ll stay with her today. Just sit  
here.â€ So CJ finally convinces Danny to leave his daughterâ€™s hospital  
bed and take a few hours to consider his own physical and mental health.

â€œ Daddy!â€ Patty exclaims excitedly as Danny walks through the  
front door, CJ close behind him. Heâ€™s all dressed in his school  
uniform and Rosalyn is standing right behind him in the foyer,  
wrapping her coat around her to go walk Patty to the bus stop.

â€œHey, there. I thought you were coming home tonight,â€ Rosalyn  
exclaims, drawing Danny into a hug after Patty releases his hold on him.

â€œDanny needs a good shower, good sleep and hot meal,â€ CJ informs  
her mother-in-law, giving her a serious look to say sheâ€™ll need her  
help because Danny is not being overly compliant.

â€œThatâ€™s a good plan. You look like you didnâ€™t sleep a wink last  
night. Why donâ€™t you go upstairs and have a nap? Iâ€™ll make you some  
cabbage rolls for lunch when I get back from taking Patty to the bus  
stop.â€ Rosalyn makes the suggestion, instantly tapping into a  
mothering instinct thatâ€™s had fifty years of toning.

After his shower, Danny had attempted to lie down and fall  
asleep. But instead of basking in the familiar comfort of his bed and  
room, Danny had been overwhelmed by all the happy memories that had  
been made in the room: the mornings of stolen caresses with CJ before  
the kids would rush in and start a hectic day; the lazy Sunday  
afternoon naps with the four of them wrapped in each otherâ€™s arms and  
the dark green comforter; the evenings of cuddling and reading with  
the kids; and the nights of ecstatic love-making. Giving up on sleep,  
Danny heads downstairs to the familiar scent of his motherâ€™s cooking.

â€œHey. That wasnâ€™t a long sleep,â€ Rosalyn chides as Danny pads  
into the kitchen in clean track pants and an old Notre Dame t-shirt.

â€œI couldnâ€™t fall asleep,â€ Danny admits,planting himself in a  
chair across from Rosalyn beside the small kitchen table.

Rosalyn divides her attention between preparing lunch and talking  
with her son. â€œCJ told me about your rough night.â€

â€œYeah. Iâ€™m starting to lose it.â€ Danny gives his head a shake.

â€œYou need an opportunity to decompress. Donâ€™t go back to the  
hospital yet.â€

â€œItâ€™s just draining on us, ya know? We spend all day at the  
hospital with Abbey and then one of us comes back to sleep with Patty.  
We hardly get any time to just talk. Weâ€™ve even taken to bringing our  
meals from the cafeteria back to Abbeyâ€™s room so she doesnâ€™t have to  
be alone.â€

â€œHoney, it sounds like you and CJ need some time to yourselves.  
And Iâ€™m not talking about like last Wednesday night when I sat with  
Abbey and forced the two of you to go to dinner together, outside of  
the hospital.â€

Danny shakes his head. â€œItâ€™s not possible. We canâ€™t leave Abbey  
by herself at night.â€

â€œI could sleep at the hospital one night,â€ Rosalyn offers as way  
of a solution.

â€œThanks, but I think Abbey needs one of us there every night.â€

â€œThen Iâ€™ll go to the hospital with Patty this afternoon and CJ  
can come back and spend a few hours with you here at the house. She  
can go back to the hospital tonight and Iâ€™ll bring Patty back here and  
put him to bed.â€

â€œ I donâ€™t know about this plan.â€ Dannyâ€™s face contorts in  
discomfort.

But Rosalyn calls Abbeyâ€™s room and relays the plan to CJ, who  
agrees with little need of convincing. CJ returns to the house in the  
early afternoon while Rosalyn picks Patty up from school and heads to  
the hospital to spend the evening with Abbey.

CJ tiptoes into the foyer, not wanting to wake Danny if he is (as  
she hopes) napping. She carefully ascends the stairs and peers into  
the open door of the master bedroom. Danny isnâ€™t resting. Heâ€™s perched  
on the side of the bed, focusing intently on a picture of the family  
last summer on their annual camping expedition with the Lymanâ€™s.

Danny turns his head to CJ. â€œ Remember how proud she was when she  
caught that bass?â€ Dannyâ€™s lips curl into a tiny smile, reminiscing  
about how he taught the girl to remove the hook and line from the  
fishâ€™s lip and throw it back in the lake.

â€œI think you were more proud for her,â€ CJ teases, dropping onto  
the bed beside Danny and taking his hand and rubbing it between her  
fingers.

â€œDo you think our life will ever be like that again?â€ Danny  
wonders aloud.

Lifting her index finger to her lips, CJ whispers, â€œShshsh. Weâ€™re  
not going to talk. Weâ€™re gonna get undressed, weâ€™re gonna crawl into  
bed and take a nice long nap-together. When we wake up, we can heat up  
your motherâ€™s cabbage rolls and discuss the kids and anything else we  
want before I go back to the hospital. Sound good?â€

Danny cracks a faint smile and bobs his head. â€œSounds perfect.  
But one amendment: I get to kiss you first.â€

CJâ€™s lips form into the first genuine smile in days. Thank God  
her old Danny has decided to show himself, even if temporarily. â€œ I  
think thatâ€™s long over due.â€

CJ eagerly accepts Dannyâ€™s slow and sensuous kiss. The exhausted  
couple continue to kiss, caressing and carefully displacing clothing.  
They both know they canâ€™t muster the energy to follow through, but  
they seek joy and comfort in simply being together again. After a few  
minutes, with arms and legs entwined, CJ and Danny drift into a  
much-needed deep slumber.


	8. Chapter 8

Part 7

Part 7

â€œOkay. All the numbers you could need are posted on the fridge.  
Please make sure Patty takes his medicine every night. Oh, andâ€¦â€

â€œCJ,â€ Rosalyn Concannon drawls with an eye roll. â€œ I have babysat  
my grandson before. Do you forget that Iâ€™ve raised two children on my  
own?â€ Dannyâ€™s mother lays her hand on CJâ€™s shoulder and smiles  
comfortingly.

Exhaling deeply, CJ nods. â€œ Of course. I know. Itâ€™s just that  
Patty hasnâ€™t been without either Danny or I for longer than a couple  
days.â€ CJ ruffles her sonâ€™s loose curls as he shovels his Cheerios  
into his mouth.

â€œCJ, you and Danny are going to be home almost every day. Heâ€™ll  
see you all the time.â€ Rosalyn realizes how different this situation  
will be for the family, but she also doesnâ€™t want her son and  
daughter-in-law to worry any more than necessary.

â€œI know, but itâ€™s not the same. Sure weâ€™ll be taking turns  
sleeping at the hospital and coming to stay with Patty, but heâ€™s not  
gonna have both of us here.â€ CJ sighs and rubs her temple.

The next month or two when Abbey will be in a special isolation  
room in the hospital after she receives a bone-marrow transplant will  
be critical to her condition. Since chemo and radiation over the next  
two days will destroy all her bone marrow and cancerous cells, Abbey  
will be especially prone to infection. Itâ€™s necessary to keep her in  
the hospital under constant watch so that complications do not arise  
and prohibit grafting of the new bone marrow that will enable her body  
to produce healthy cells. CJ and Danny, after long discussion, came to  
the conclusion that the only way they could get through the next four  
to eight weeks would be to alternate days and nights spent at the  
hospital with Abbey. Patty was simply too young and sensitive to be  
spending excess amounts of nights without either of them. Rosalyn  
would stay with Patty during the day and help to keep the house in  
order and Patty in routine as much as possible. Josh and Donna, as  
well as their neighbours, Ted and Marci, offered to take Patty a  
couple times a week for play dates and sleepovers (in the case of the  
former) to give Dannyâ€™s 77 year-old mother a break. Both CJ and Danny  
feel incredibly grateful for the support of friends and family during  
this time.

â€œAll right, sweetie, go upstairs and brush your teeth and get  
dressed for school. Josh and Donna will be here soon to take you to  
school and youâ€™ve gotta say a nice goodbye to your sister.â€ CJ takes  
Pattyâ€™s empty bowl and cup and puts them in the dishwasher.

â€œWill you call me tonight and tomorrow to tell me know how itâ€™s  
going?â€ Rosalyn asks, following CJ out into the hallway between the  
kitchen and the staircase.

â€œOf course. Iâ€™ll be home Thursday night to stay with Patty if  
Abbey and Danny are feeling pretty well. If theyâ€™re doing well you  
and Patty can see them at the hospital on Friday.â€ CJ repeats the  
plans Dr. Erkir and his team had outlined for the Concannonâ€™s. For the  
first few weeks, only immediate family would be allowed to visit  
Abbey, and they had to be sure to wash thoroughly and wear protective  
gear so as to avoid spreading bacteria to the girl with a weakened  
immune system.

A few minutes later, CJ enters Abbeyâ€™s room where she and Danny  
are trying to limit the girlâ€™s luggage.

â€œBut I canâ€™t leave him behind, Daddy.â€ Abbey clutches the  
precious monkey to her chest with a practiced pout that she knows will  
melt her fatherâ€™s heart.

â€œFine. Put him in the pack with all the others.â€ Danny rolls his  
eyes in CJâ€™s direction, letting her know that the packing process is  
not going in the direction theyâ€™d prefer of it.

â€œHoney, you canâ€™t take too much. Everything has to be clean and  
germ free,â€ CJ reminds the girl as she bends to examine the contents  
of Abbeyâ€™s backpack and duffle bag. In the back pack sits all of  
Abbeyâ€™s cherished toys:the teddy Danny had bought when he learned CJ  
was pregnant, the pink elephant he had purchased at the hospital the  
day she was born, the hand-sewn black doll CJ had brought back from  
Malawi, and the scruffy monkey the Lymanâ€™s had given her when she was  
born. In addition to the stuffed toys, Abbey had packed a couple of  
board games, a deck of cards, her Leap Frog hand-held game unit, and a  
few favourite books. The duffle bag contains a few sets of sweat  
suits, pajamas and under clothes, as well as the quilt CJ and Abbey  
Bartlet had assembled when young Abbey was still in the womb.

â€œItâ€™s a long time.â€ Abbeyâ€™s lips tremble. She surveys the room  
with â€˜Precious Momentsâ€™ bordering and soft pink paint.

â€œYouâ€™re gonna be back in no time,â€ Danny soothes, pulling his  
daughter close to his side. He picks up his Red Sox cap off the floor  
and plants it on her bare head. â€œ Youâ€™ve got my good luck cap.  
Everythingâ€™s gonna be fine.â€

Abbey cracks a smile. â€œIs it really good luck?â€

â€œIt won me your mother,â€ Danny teases, proceeding to tickle  
Abbey under the arms to distract her from thinking about how much  
sheâ€™ll miss the security of her bedroom.

CJ rolls her eyes dramatically. â€œAll right, guys. Letâ€™s get a  
move on.â€

They manage to get the kids and bags down stairs and into the  
foyer by the time a knock is heard at the front door. Danny opens the  
door to the entire Lyman family. Everyone had come to wish Abbey well.  
After they say their goodbyes, Josh would take Noah and Patty to school.

â€œYou ready for your transplant, kiddo?â€ Josh enquires, hands  
resting on the shoulderâ€™s of Noahâ€™s uniform green suit jacket.  
Little Davy is in the stroller and Ella is holding Donnaâ€™s hand.

The Concannonâ€™s shuffle out onto the front porch to greet their  
guests.Abbey nods mutely. The normally active and talkative child has  
adopted a sullen, calm demeanor in the last couple months.

â€œNoah, didnâ€™t you want to give Abbey something to take to the  
hospital?â€ Donna prods the boy with a large smile.

Noahâ€™s eyes dilate as he remembers the piece of red construction  
paper in his hands. â€œOh, yeah. Here, this for you.â€ He shyly reaches  
to hand Abbey the aforementioned paper.

Abbey accepts the hand-made card and opens to read its  
inscription aloud. â€œDear Abbey. I hope that your surgery makes you  
feel so much better. I want you to get well soon so we can play video  
games and basketball together again. Iâ€™m not gonna play â€˜NBA Pro Shot  
4â€™ on Nintendo until youâ€™re better enough to play with me. Love, Noah  
L. Lyman.â€

The parents all smile at the adorable words Noah had used to  
express his grief at losing his favourite playmate and best friend for  
the next month or two.

â€œAbbey, you should thank Noah and give him a hug.â€ CJ gently  
nudges the girl forward.

Abbey smiles weakly and envelopes Noah in an awkward hug. The  
first graders have yet to dispose of the popular childhood myth that  
kids of the opposite sex have cooties.

â€œPJ, why donâ€™t you give your sister a hug goodbye? I think Josh  
and Noah are ready to take you to school.â€ Danny squeezes his sonâ€™s  
small shoulders.

Once all the goodbyes and best wishes have been exchanged, Josh  
takes Patty by the hand and the Lymanâ€™s walk back down the sidewalk to  
their house. Danny puts Abbeyâ€™s bags (plus another bag for himself  
and CJ) in the car and buckles Abbey into her car seat.

CJ fastens her belt and turns around in the seat to catch a  
glimpse of Abbey waving goodbye to her house and neighbourhood, a tiny  
tear drop cascading down her hallow cheek.

About a week after the transplant, CJ and Danny meet with  
Dr. Erkir and his medical team at the hospital in a waiting room with  
large glass windows.

â€œSo, sheâ€™s still got a high fever and sheâ€™s nauseous?â€ Dr. Erkir  
confirms, writing on his clipboard.

â€œThey gave her some anti-nausea medication in her catheter this  
morning and it seems to be helping a little,â€ Danny relays.

â€œOkay. The good news is that I canâ€™t see any signs of an  
infection. Thatâ€™s very important. Weâ€™ll continue with the antibiotics  
treatment and blood transfusions, however. Chloe told me that Abbeyâ€™s  
starting to experience some cabin fever?â€ Dr. Erkir sits back against  
the plastic chair.

â€œ Sheâ€™s starting to get restless. Even though sheâ€™s very weak,  
she wants to move around more and get a change of scenery,â€ CJ  
explains, grimacing. Itâ€™s incredibly hard on the child to have to be  
contained in a private room, her only visitors being her parents,  
brother and grandmother.

â€œWell, hopefully by next week sheâ€™ll be strong enough to take  
trips to the play area. Sheâ€™ll need to be fully covered in protective  
gear, but it might help her to get exercising and playing again,â€ the  
doctor offers by way of solution.

Danny licks his lips and shares a look with CJ. â€œ We were kinda  
hopingâ€¦Two weekends from now will be Abbeyâ€™s six birthday. She wonâ€™t  
be able to leave the hospital. We were wondering if it would be  
possible to allow some additional visitors to come that day.â€

â€œHow many visitors are we talking?â€ Dr. Erkir purses his lips. It  
isnâ€™t that he wants to make his patients miserable, but he has to take  
all precautions necessary not to jeopardize their health.

â€œWell, really not that many, â€œ CJ responds. â€œ Thereâ€™s the  
Bartletâ€™s, theyâ€™re like grandparents to Abbey, and the Lymanâ€™sâ€¦and  
their three children. Soâ€¦seven, plus our son and Dannyâ€™s mother.â€

The doctor pauses to consider, glancing at a colleague. â€œ We may  
be able to set something up in one of the waiting rooms on the floor.  
But if anyone has even the slightest sniffle or coughâ€¦â€

â€œWe wonâ€™t let them near Abbey, â€œ Danny assures the doctor.

â€œEveryone will have to wear masks and gloves. Itâ€™s not going to  
be the best birthday party sheâ€™s ever had,â€ Dr. Erkir warns. He  
doesnâ€™t want to disappoint the family.

â€œItâ€™ll be enough just to have them there,â€ CJ says, knowing that  
Abbey is already growing tired of the lack of human interaction. The  
girl had talked twice to Jed and Abbey over the phone, once to Dannyâ€™s  
sister and niece and nephew, and once to Toby. Tonight theyâ€™d call and  
talk to the Lymanâ€™s so Abbey could chat with her best friend. But the  
phone is only entertaining for a limited period of time.

â€œOkay, weâ€™ll see what we can come up with.â€

â€œThank you, so much,â€ Danny gushes, relieved for the opportunity  
to give their daughter the best birthday under the circumstances.

â€œ Daddy, can I ask you something?â€

Danny opens his eyes and cranes his neck to look at his daughter  
lying next to him in the hospital bed. He was just about to doze off,  
believing Abbey to be long asleep. â€œSure, princess.â€

â€œDo think Iâ€™ll go to Heaven when I die?â€ Abbeyâ€™s striking blue  
eyes are fixated on the ceiling.

Now completely alert, Danny almost panics. â€œIâ€™m certain that you  
will because youâ€™re a good girl and love and trust God. â€œ

Seemingly satisfied with that response, Abbey continues her  
wondering aloud. â€œWhat do you think Heaven is like?â€

Danny is bewildered. â€œWhy do you ask, honey?â€

Her thin shoulders shrug. â€œ Chloe told me that the little boy,  
Michael, a couple rooms down the hall was taken by angels up to Heaven  
yesterday.â€

Danny silently curses Abbeyâ€™s favourite nurse for relaying that  
news to the impressionable child. He realizes it wasnâ€™t really the  
nurseâ€™s fault; she had probably handled the death as delicately as  
possible. But Danny is simply speechless.

â€œ I think Heaven is like a giant playground with lots of swing  
sets and as much ice cream as you can eat,â€ Abbey begins dreamily. â€œ I  
think everybodyâ€™s always laughing and smiling and nobody can cry. Do  
you think they have Little League in Heaven, Daddy?â€

Danny canâ€™t help but crack a smile. â€œ I sure hope so, sweetie.â€

â€œIf I died and went to Heaven, could I meet my grandparents that  
passed away? And Uncle Leo? Do you think theyâ€™ll like me? â€ Thereâ€™s  
the tiniest hint of terror in her voice.

Danny stifles a sigh. â€œ I know theyâ€™d love you.â€

â€œDaddy? Even though Iâ€™d finally get to meet them, I donâ€™t wanna  
die yet. â€˜Cause even though Heaven would be wonderful, I wouldnâ€™t have  
you or Mommy or Patty or Noah orâ€¦anyone I know. Daddy, Iâ€™m not  
finished my life here. Iâ€™m not ready to die.â€ The fragile girl doesnâ€™t  
utter a sob, but two silent hot tears descend from her eyelashes.  
Danny can feel his heart constrict, the taste of blood surges  
through his throat and sharp tears burn at the edges of his eyelids.  
He sucks in a large gulp of air and closes his eyes, reaching for  
Abbeyâ€™s hand to squeeze. â€œ Iâ€™m not ready to let you die, baby.â€

When CJ reaches the hospital entrance early the next morning  
after parking the car underground, she finds Danny hunched over on a  
bench and puffing on a cigarette. One hand supports his head while the  
other supports the offending object. â€œ Danny?â€ CJ immediately hastens  
her pace, concerned that Abbeyâ€™s health had taken a turn for the worse  
last night when she was spending the night with Patty at home. â€œWhatâ€™s  
wrong?â€

Danny slowly drags his gaze up to meet CJâ€™s. â€œI used to believe  
that God never gave challenges to people who couldnâ€™t handle them.  
But, I donâ€™t think I can take anymore.â€ His eyes are lifeless and  
bloodshot after a night staring up at the ceiling and cursing the Lord  
for putting his family-the most important accomplishment in his  
life-in peril.

â€œWhat happened?â€ CJ inquires, sitting on the bench next to her  
husband and taking the hand that Danny had held the cigarette in  
before he tossed it to the ground.

â€œIâ€™m a good person. I was raised in a Catholic house and  
parish. I always prayed. I worked hard at my job and always tried to  
be a good friend and neighbour. I know Iâ€™m not the perfect husband or  
father, but Iâ€™ve never taken my family-the best part of my existence-  
for granted. What does He expect? Is this not good enough for Him?  
Why does He want our baby? Sheâ€™s so good.â€ Fresh tears cascade down  
his pale, scruffy face. He had kept them in all night, not wanting to  
frighten Abbey. He hates to let her see him cry. A little girl should  
never see her father cry.

CJ licks her lips, tears threatening to drop at sympathy for her  
husband. â€œ Maybe too good. Maybe He wants her for Heaven.â€

This is the most theyâ€™ve discussed the prospect of losing their  
daughter. They had always discussed it in abstract terms, merely just  
a possibility. It would never happen to them, they had assumed. The  
emotions render them silent for a minute, each reflecting on the  
possibility of life with a huge void.

â€œDanny, is she okay? What happened last night?â€ CJ swipes at  
her tears and focuses on consoling Danny, who hadnâ€™t expressed this  
much helplessness and despair since Abbey was first diagnosed.

Danny visually collects himself and exhales deeply. â€œLast night  
she asked me all about Heaven-what was it like? Would her deceased  
family like to meet her?- and said that sheâ€™s not ready to die. I  
didnâ€™t know what to say. How could I comfort her? I couldnâ€™t lie to  
her and tell her that I could save her. Iâ€™ve done absolutely  
everything within my humanly capabilities to keep her safe and  
healthy. Itâ€™s out of my hands, out of my control. I hate being this  
helpless. Iâ€™m not ready to let her go. If she dies, a part of me will  
die with her. I donâ€™t think I could ever be complete again.â€

CJ shakes her head back and forth, silently agreeing with Danny.  
â€œ Thereâ€™s nothing worse than losing a child.â€

â€œI know we have Patty and we love him just as much as Abbey. But  
it wouldnâ€™t be the same, you know? Even if we had five or ten kids, it  
would still leave a void that is impossible to fill.â€

CJ stands up and tugs Danny up with her. â€œ Iâ€™m gonna take you home.â€

â€œNo,â€ Danny protests firmly.

â€œDanny, you need to rest. Look at you. Youâ€™re absolutely  
shattered. Come on, you can have a good sleep in our bed and a good  
home-made meal. Your mother made lasagna.â€ CJ attempts to tempt him  
into spending the day and night at home. Heâ€™s hardly left Abbeyâ€™s side  
since the transplant. For the most part, CJ had been alternating  
nights at the hospital so she could also spend time with Patty. For  
the most part Patty was being good for Rosalyn, but the older woman  
needed a couple nightâ€™s reprieve each week, so Patty would stay at the  
Lymanâ€™s one night on the weekends and CJ would come every couple days  
to stay with him. Danny had only been spending one or two nights a  
week away from the hospital. It isnâ€™t that he doesnâ€™t want to divert  
his attention to his son, but he recognizes that the boy misses CJ  
more than him, and that Abbey doesnâ€™t do well without his presence at  
night.

â€œI donâ€™t care about food now. We canâ€™t leave Abbey here by  
herself.â€ Danny shakes his head, not seeing how this will work.

â€œSheâ€™ll be fine; Chloe is there. Iâ€™ll take you home and then come  
right back here to spend the day and night with her. You need some  
time off, Danny. I really think you need to take the time to organize  
your thoughts. Youâ€™re in no frame of mind to be of help to Abbey  
right now. Iâ€™ll come tomorrow and meet the Bartletâ€™s when they get  
here, and you can go back to the hospital.â€

â€œMaybe I should ask Abbey first, see if sheâ€™s comfortable withâ€¦â€

â€œIâ€™ll go talk to her. Iâ€™ll tell her you need to go home and rest  
and spend time with Patty and that Iâ€™ll stay with her today. Just sit  
here.â€ So CJ finally convinces Danny to leave his daughterâ€™s hospital  
bed and take a few hours to consider his own physical and mental health.

â€œ Daddy!â€ Patty exclaims excitedly as Danny walks through the  
front door, CJ close behind him. Heâ€™s all dressed in his school  
uniform and Rosalyn is standing right behind him in the foyer,  
wrapping her coat around her to go walk Patty to the bus stop.

â€œHey, there. I thought you were coming home tonight,â€ Rosalyn  
exclaims, drawing Danny into a hug after Patty releases his hold on him.

â€œDanny needs a good shower, good sleep and hot meal,â€ CJ informs  
her mother-in-law, giving her a serious look to say sheâ€™ll need her  
help because Danny is not being overly compliant.

â€œThatâ€™s a good plan. You look like you didnâ€™t sleep a wink last  
night. Why donâ€™t you go upstairs and have a nap? Iâ€™ll make you some  
cabbage rolls for lunch when I get back from taking Patty to the bus  
stop.â€ Rosalyn makes the suggestion, instantly tapping into a  
mothering instinct thatâ€™s had fifty years of toning.

After his shower, Danny had attempted to lie down and fall  
asleep. But instead of basking in the familiar comfort of his bed and  
room, Danny had been overwhelmed by all the happy memories that had  
been made in the room: the mornings of stolen caresses with CJ before  
the kids would rush in and start a hectic day; the lazy Sunday  
afternoon naps with the four of them wrapped in each otherâ€™s arms and  
the dark green comforter; the evenings of cuddling and reading with  
the kids; and the nights of ecstatic love-making. Giving up on sleep,  
Danny heads downstairs to the familiar scent of his motherâ€™s cooking.

â€œHey. That wasnâ€™t a long sleep,â€ Rosalyn chides as Danny pads  
into the kitchen in clean track pants and an old Notre Dame t-shirt.

â€œI couldnâ€™t fall asleep,â€ Danny admits,planting himself in a  
chair across from Rosalyn beside the small kitchen table.

Rosalyn divides her attention between preparing lunch and talking  
with her son. â€œCJ told me about your rough night.â€

â€œYeah. Iâ€™m starting to lose it.â€ Danny gives his head a shake.

â€œYou need an opportunity to decompress. Donâ€™t go back to the  
hospital yet.â€

â€œItâ€™s just draining on us, ya know? We spend all day at the  
hospital with Abbey and then one of us comes back to sleep with Patty.  
We hardly get any time to just talk. Weâ€™ve even taken to bringing our  
meals from the cafeteria back to Abbeyâ€™s room so she doesnâ€™t have to  
be alone.â€

â€œHoney, it sounds like you and CJ need some time to yourselves.  
And Iâ€™m not talking about like last Wednesday night when I sat with  
Abbey and forced the two of you to go to dinner together, outside of  
the hospital.â€

Danny shakes his head. â€œItâ€™s not possible. We canâ€™t leave Abbey  
by herself at night.â€

â€œI could sleep at the hospital one night,â€ Rosalyn offers as way  
of a solution.

â€œThanks, but I think Abbey needs one of us there every night.â€

â€œThen Iâ€™ll go to the hospital with Patty this afternoon and CJ  
can come back and spend a few hours with you here at the house. She  
can go back to the hospital tonight and Iâ€™ll bring Patty back here and  
put him to bed.â€

â€œ I donâ€™t know about this plan.â€ Dannyâ€™s face contorts in  
discomfort.

But Rosalyn calls Abbeyâ€™s room and relays the plan to CJ, who  
agrees with little need of convincing. CJ returns to the house in the  
early afternoon while Rosalyn picks Patty up from school and heads to  
the hospital to spend the evening with Abbey.

CJ tiptoes into the foyer, not wanting to wake Danny if he is (as  
she hopes) napping. She carefully ascends the stairs and peers into  
the open door of the master bedroom. Danny isnâ€™t resting. Heâ€™s perched  
on the side of the bed, focusing intently on a picture of the family  
last summer on their annual camping expedition with the Lymanâ€™s.

Danny turns his head to CJ. â€œ Remember how proud she was when she  
caught that bass?â€ Dannyâ€™s lips curl into a tiny smile, reminiscing  
about how he taught the girl to remove the hook and line from the  
fishâ€™s lip and throw it back in the lake.

â€œI think you were more proud for her,â€ CJ teases, dropping onto  
the bed beside Danny and taking his hand and rubbing it between her  
fingers.

â€œDo you think our life will ever be like that again?â€ Danny  
wonders aloud.

Lifting her index finger to her lips, CJ whispers, â€œShshsh. Weâ€™re  
not going to talk. Weâ€™re gonna get undressed, weâ€™re gonna crawl into  
bed and take a nice long nap-together. When we wake up, we can heat up  
your motherâ€™s cabbage rolls and discuss the kids and anything else we  
want before I go back to the hospital. Sound good?â€

Danny cracks a faint smile and bobs his head. â€œSounds perfect.  
But one amendment: I get to kiss you first.â€

CJâ€™s lips form into the first genuine smile in days. Thank God  
her old Danny has decided to show himself, even if temporarily. â€œ I  
think thatâ€™s long over due.â€

CJ eagerly accepts Dannyâ€™s slow and sensuous kiss. The exhausted  
couple continue to kiss, caressing and carefully displacing clothing.  
They both know they canâ€™t muster the energy to follow through, but  
they seek joy and comfort in simply being together again. After a few  
minutes, with arms and legs entwined, CJ and Danny drift into a  
much-needed deep slumber.


End file.
